Movie Review Special: The Most Dissapointing Films of 2016!

Hello All,

    And Happy New Year’s Eve. I myself am enjoying a quiet night in, where I plan to get intoxicated just enough to finish my last of 2016, of which I am of course referring to the best films of 2016. Now I know, the words best and 2016 do not belong in the same sentence, but dammit I’m going to try. So to get myself into the mood, I’m going to now go through my softball list of the most disappointing films of the year. I find it’s an easier transition to the best films from this list, plus since I’ve seen 127 movies this year (yes I counted, also one I saw in theatres I didn’t review because no one would’ve read it) so this allows me a chance to talk about the films in between the best and worst, and gives you guys more of a scope as to how the year was shaped as a whole. This year for it, we’re going down the score board, so the number ten spot will have a score of 7, going to a score of 4 at the top of the list.

Now before we begin, we have more disqualifications for this list. They are:

1. The Boy (6/10) Because of it’s Lower Score Seal of Approval
2. The Legend of Tarzan (6/10) Because of it’s Lower Score Seal of Approval
3. Suicide Squad (6/10) Because of it’s Lower Score Seal of Approval
4. Light Between Oceans (5/10) Because I didn’t give it a full review. No, it’s not the one I didn’t review at all.

Without further ado, let’s start counting down……...

The Top Ten Most Disappointing Films of 2016!

10. Blair Witch

Plot Summary - When James Donahue (James Allen McCune) finds a tape that he believes to show his lost sister from the first film, he gathers a new group to go back out into the woods to find her.

It’s an entertaining film, with some okay new ideas, but it basically is just a carbon copy of the first film, that leaves you with probably more questions than answers. It did suck quite badly as a D-BOX movie though, but I think they were trying to use it to distract from the flaws of an overall okay film. With all the build up for it, I guess I was just hoping for a bit more than what we got, granted that can be applied to every film on this list.

Final Score - (7/10)

9. Eye in the Sky

Plot Summary - When a multinational task force has a high value target in line of sight of a drone strike, the mission is put into jeopardy when a young girl is seen living next to the target.

It’s a great cast, and a mostly compelling story, except for the fact that that they’re all literally standing around a bunch of rooms. Am I the only one that finds that weird? The film also feels padded at times, mostly because they end up going over the same points over and over again. I guess it’s more think piece than action film, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but I guess it suffers from a slightly flawed execution. Sorry Alan Rickman, wish you would’ve left us on a much higher note.

Final Score - (7/10)

8. The Magnificent Seven (2016 Version)

Plot Summary - When the residents of Rose Creek need help from a ruthless land baron, the hire seven gunslingers, who help the residents find a way to save their town.

    I like most westerns, and while I ran out of time to see the original, I was hoping that this one would be an interesting watch. While certainly entertaining, it just feels like it’s a surface level western. They touch on a few cool things, but the story is minimal, and mostly just serves as a means to get to an admittedly cool climax. I guess it stands out as one of the better remakes we got of classic films (even if it may be for just this year alone), but with such a cool cast, it’s just a shame we didn’t get to know them a little bit more.

Final Score - (6/10)

7. Triple 9

Plot Summary - A group of criminals and crooked cops plan their biggest heist yet, but tensions rise as one of the cops plans to use his honest partner as part of the plan.

    Crooked cops who robs banks? What could possibly go wrong right? Well, it suffers from a lot more buildup than release, and while there’s nothing wrong with a film like that, if you’re expecting something more action based then you’d be really disappointed. It also suffers from moments you can see coming, and massive misuse of Norman Reedus. It’s an okay film, but man it should’ve been a lot cooler than what we got.

Final Score - (6/10)

6. Nerve

Plot Summary - When the truth or dare like game ‘Nerve’ comes to town, shy girl Vee Delmonico (Emma Roberts) joins the game, and finds herself in way too deep.

    Probably the film with the smallest gap between what I thought it was going to be, and what it was, Nerve feels like a good idea bogged down in predictability. For a film that promotes the idea of going out of one's comfort zone, the film itself never goes outside the comfort zones of the usual tropes of the coming of age story, and while that can be allowed to some extent, you have to have meaningful characters to back that up with, and I honestly don’t remember much about the main characters from this film. Still though, I was hoping for a little more edge in this game.

Final Score - (5/10)

5. Passengers

Plot Summary - When Jim Preston (Chris Pratt) wakes up alone ninety years too soon aboard the avalon, he soons find himself facing a ship falling apart, and even more when another passenger wakes up as well.

    Goddammit Chris Pratt why are you making me do this? Okay so it’s really not your fault, I honestly think it’s more the fact Passengers took the wrong approach to a key subject in it’s story, and didn’t rise up above it much in terms of story content. I feel like the gem of a much more significant story was seeped somewhere in here, but I don’t think they thought to capitalize on it at all. Unfortunately, we have to deal with the film we got instead.

Final Score - (5/10)

4. Pride + Prejudice + Zombies

Plot Summary - An update on the classic story, now with zombies. That’s basically it.

    You know, subtract the zombies from the film, it’d could be a good version of just Pride and Prejudice. It really played it’s plus zombies idea way too straight, and it honestly kind of makes the film seem like a mediocre old english action film. They tried to figure out a way to try and bring back in the end, but it feels like too little too late.

Final Score - (5/10)

3. The Birth of a Nation

Plot Summary - Following the story of Nat Turner (Nate Parker) who led a slave rebellion in the antebellum south.

    Boy I didn’t want to put this one this high on this list. It sort of reminds me a lot of a Kevin Costner film called Wyatt Earp, which itself was a biopic about a man known only really for one thing, but like Wyatt Earp, the film adaptation sort of skims over the thing it’s subject is most known for, instead choosing to focus more on the man behind it. In the case of this film however, it spends a lot of time basically driving in the point that slavery was horrible. Much like how Jesus was beaten before he was crucified, you can only watch that for so long before it feels like the obvious is being drawn out to almost uninteresting levels. While certainly not a bad film, I was really hoping to see more of the uprising he was known for.

Final Score - (5/10)

2. X-Men Apocalypse

Plot Summary - The next chapter of the X-Men films finds the team of old and new mutants battling against the most powerful mutant Apocalypse (Oscar Isaac.)

This one was simply the result of trying to do way too much. If Days of Future Past was the reset switch, this was the film that had to fill in the new blanks, and this one simply fails because of it’s own ambitions. Sure it setup for some stuff ahead (Hell Logan looks like it could be one of the best films of next year), but for now, this one is still the worst of the bunch (yes including X3 fight me.) With everyone involved, it should’ve amounted to more, but we got a lot less instead.

Final Score - (4/10)

And now, before we reveal the most disappointing film of the year, let’s take a look at…..

Dishonourable Mentions

1. Jason Bourne (7/10) - As part of the sequel discussion, It was hard to pick one that didn’t deserve a spot on the main list, but at least the newest entry into the Bourne series tried to get him to do something new, exploring an aspect of his life not really talked about before in the other films. With a few tweaks, it could’ve been a lot better, but it’s just the fact that it simply didn’t feel as compelling as its predecessors holds it back quite a bit.
2. Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children (6/10) - Okay I didn’t know what to expect going in, but with such an interesting idea, it’s a shame all they did was go for familiarity with it.
3. The Girl on the Train (5/10) - A good beginning, and a great ending, cannot support an uninteresting second act. You can only have so much wandering around, and remembering things before it starts to get super repetitive.
4. The BFG (5/10) - It’s hard to be mad at BFG, but I just didn’t feel as compelled by it as much as I think it wanted me to. I think if it had raised the stakes a bit higher than I would’ve been invested.
5. Allied (5/10) - Okay, there was a lot to Allied I like, I just hated the fact that it played it’s premise in such a stiff tone. I’m not saying it should’ve been a lighthearted, fun, romp, but it takes so long to get going, and the characters feel so bloody one dimensional on top of that as well that by the time it thinks it’s hooked you, you’ve most likely become bored to tears.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the most disappointing film of 2016 is……

1. Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice

Plot Summary - You know what, if you don’t know this one, I’m going to spare you.

    Sure this seems like the most obvious choice, but dammit I’m still making it, and do you know why? Because this was the one we all wanted. All DC had to do was to get these two to fight, and they fucked it up royally. Sure, we got some good bits out of it (Ben Affleck’s Batman), but dammit DC and Warner Brothers fumbled their first big gamble hard. The story was bloated, overcrowded, and full of plot holes, and points, that made no goddamn sense. Let’s hope Justice League can do something to repair some of the damage from this cluster fuck.

So with a final score of 4/10, Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you……

The Most Disappointing Film of the Year Award for 2016:

Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice

Let’s hope DC and Warner Brothers learn from their mistakes in time not to screw up the DCEU anymore than they already have, although I hope every bad rumour I’m hearing about wonder woman sucking is wrong.

Next: The Best Films of 2016 - I’m waiting until 2017 to post this one, simply because I can avoid any bias by actually being out of said shitty year in question.

Links:

Last Review is Here: If you missed my previous list for the worst of 2016, you can read that here.

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

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Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies, in the new year.

Movie Review Special: The Worst Films of 2016!

Hello All,

    Sorry about missing that last film. That day sort of turned into a huge clusterfuck for me. I guess that sort of summarizes 2016 in a nutshell huh? Good plans led astray by extremely unfortunate acts of god, or whatever your preferred thing to curse at is when things go wrong. Now before we begin with this years list, I have to introduce to you some films that I’ve had to disqualify from this list. They are:

1. Alice Through The Looking Glass (0/10) - Simply because I’m not letting any more 0 films top my lists. I simply want to to forget them and move on with my life.
2. When The Bough Breaks - Because I couldn’t finish the movie
3. Why Him? (1/10) - As much as I really hated this film, I couldn’t be bothered to do a full review for it. Consider it an honourary 0.

With that said, since we’ve all come to hate 2016,  and we’re all just wasting the days until it’s over, why don’t we all take a chance to insult it one more time, by counting down…..

The Top Ten Worst Films of 2016!!!

10. I Saw The Light

Plot Summary -  Following the life and sudden death of Country Singer Hank Williams (Tom Hiddleston)

    Boy do I feel bad for Tom Hiddleston. The poor dude, as much as he’s good at Loki, is so clearly trying to get away from it just a bit in terms of roles. It’s too bad it feels like the film has been so horribly slashed to bits, that the whole story feels like just like a big incomprehensible mess. This is at the bottom of the list, simply because of the fact that while the subject matter has a thin layer of interesting material on the surface level of the whole thing, it’s such a technical mess that it’s impossible to get anything else beyond that from this film.

Final Score - (1/10)

9. Inferno

Plot Summary - Based on the book of the same, our story finds Robert langdon (Tom Hanks) suffering from Amnesia, while also trying to stop a worldwide threat from unleashing.

    Boy the old third time’s a charm adage really didn’t pay off for this film huh? Inferno is basically a plot holed riddled mess, that feels like it’s going through the motions of what these types of films should be doing. It’s also riddled with flashbacks, which are so frigging annoying, and honestly the worst parts of bad amnesia stories. Honestly, even writing this I can barely remember anything about the plot except the really stupid moments I called ahead of time. Even then, I can’t remember most of them regardless, and why would I want too?

Final Score - (1/10)

8. The Forest

Plot Summary - Sara Price (Natalie Dormer) travels to Japan to find her twin sister, who has wandered into a mysterious Japanese forest, known as a place for lost souls to commit suicide.

    Speaking of not remembering things, in a year where we had actually quite a few decent horror/thriller films, this one’s shittiness definitely stands out more because of that. In my original review I described it as the awful american remake of a japanese film that doesn’t exist. The forest itself is a real place, so why wasn’t the first north american film about it as creepy as it really is? It’s just that it’s so lackluster and devoid of real scares that it ruins a concept that could’ve been utilized so much better.

Final Score - (1/10)

7. Masterminds

Plot Summary -  A comedic take on the 1997 Loomis Fargo robbery in North Carolina, as David Ghantt (Zach Galifianakis) finds himself stuck in Mexico while avoiding both the police, and a crazed hitman who’s been hired to kill him.

    You know, if I had been told going in that this film was the first film attempting to play itself as the world’s longest anti joke I’d have believed them. The only time I cracked a smile during that whole film was during a blooper as I was leaving the theatre, and even then I’m pretty sure it was because I was just happy to be leaving. It’s low on this list for the mere fact that I’m impressed with how little I laughed at the damn thing. Honestly though, that’s really it’s only ironic value.

Final Score - (1/10)

6. Gods of Egypt

(This wouldn’t format right, so it’s a bit smaller. Sorry)

Plot Summary - In an alternate Egypt, When the evil God Set (Gerard Butler), a young thief is sent to find the exiled Horus (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and save Egypt.

    Holy shit this whole list is mostly films I can barely remember. I know the effects were extremely awful, as watching the film basically turned into spot the lazy graphics and photoshop moments. Honestly the whole film is just terrible to look at, and the film on top of that is just boring, clustered, and cliche as just about any bad film you can imagine. It feels like they sent the pre rendered version of the film and decided not to tell anyone about it. Unlike Masterminds however, this one might be good for a slight laugh, just don’t watch the whole thing.

Final Score - (1/10)

5. Collateral Beauty

Plot Summary - You know, I would write this one, but the one they want you to think it is, and what it really is are so different, and plus it kind of spoils the movie so…. Just read my thoughts on it instead.

    Yeah, this is making my list, fight me. I know what most people are saying about it, and people, I respect your opinions, but I’m sorry, this film is WRONG! It’s morally wrong, the story is wrong, and the characters motivations are all wrong. The film is winning you over on cheap sentimentality because it’s the holidays. Hell, that’s probably why they released it now, because they knew that’d be the only way people would let their guard down long enough for you not to notice all the glaring issues with it. If even the trailer has to lie to you to get you to see this movie, then something is desperately wrong. Why is it only at number five then? Honestly, because my opinion of this one seems to be in the minority, and I consider myself a man of (occasional) compromise. I still hate it though.

Final Score - (1/10)

4. Nine Lives

Plot Summary - When Tom Brand (Kevin Spacey) starts putting work more and more over his family, he is punished by being put into the body of a cat, and is given one week to reconnect with them.

    I want to use these next four films to make a point about just how bad this year has been for movies. Why does a film with such a stupid, outdated concept even exist? Because everyone involved in the making this film think your children are stupid. When your movie is 87 minutes long, and your opening title sequence has to be padded out with youtube videos of cats on top of that, you know you’ve made something awful. It’s a movie so aware of its future reputation, it’s already been edited into the tv movie formatting it knows it’s doomed to reap forever if it’s even that lucky. It’s an insulting waste of space, and the only value that will ever be reaped of it is if someone makes a documentary of how the hell this thing got made. If you hate children and want to make them stupider, plop them in front of this and you’re good to go.

Final Score - (1/10)

3. The 5th Wave

Plot Summary - Earth has been taken over by Aliens, and Cassie Sullivan (Chloe Grace Moretz) is trying to rescue her brother from them.

    Okay so my summary of the plot is pretty bad, but I don’t care, and neither does this film, because similarly to Nine Lives, This film thinks young adults are stupid. Yeah I know, I hate YA books, but it’s because they’re now all the goddamn same. This film is like the parody of those films, but someone forgot to tell them that it was okay for them to play this thing as a joke. Hell, they were so desperate for this thing to be a hit, I remember they were handing these weird mini versions of the book that had like the first nine chapters or some weird shit like that. If you have to tell people that the book exists while they’re going into the movie, that’s not a good sign. The only good thing that came out of this is that it’s failure might have lead to the premature ending of the allegiant series, mostly in terms of people realizing just how toxic the whole genre had become. I think the last Maze Runner movie is still on, but Dylan O’Brien didn’t almost die for nothing dammit. That and it’s not coming out until 2018 so it can distance itself away from all this probably.

Final Score - (1/10)

2. The Boss

Plot Summary - Michelle Darnell (Melissa McCarthy) is an industry titan who loses her fortune, and when she goes to her former assistant for help, she finds herself starting over in pursuit of getting back to the top.

    You know, as much as I wrote this list last year with a fiery hatred for these films in my stomach, this year, I think I’m more tired. This film, is the second place example of why, because This painful film thinks grown adults are stupid. This film is so goddamn cookie cutter, it’s actually ironic that in the film they’re selling baked goods as the main source of this cliched, predictable, and unfunny plot. I basically knew how the entire film was going to play out from the moment it started. Does Melissa McCarthy’s husband hate her or something? Seriously, she keeps making these films that are supposed to be edgy female comedies but you have got to do more than fart and make vagina jokes. If Ghostbusters was as bad as people wanted it to be, I would’ve completely have written 2016 off for her. This and Masterminds has just made me so sick of just these god awful and lazy comedies, when there are probably funnier things you can find on youtube…..probably.

Final Score - (1/10)

And now, before we reveal the winner of the worst of the year list, we have some...

Dishonourable Mentions:

1. Zoolander 2 (2/10) - As part of these honourable mentions lists and the highly discussed topic of sequels/prequels, I’m taking a moment to compare the differences between the good, the mediocre, and the bad. Zoolander 2 is a fairly bad type of sequel, the 10+ years too late sequel. They usually involve the protagonists realizing they’ve gotten older and blah blah blah. While other sequels like this can rise to mediocre at best, this one fails because (and I know this is an unpopular opinion (and it’s not like I don’t have a lot of those,) I just didn’t think the first Zoolander was funny, and this film didn’t have a great basis to make a sequel on. I still maintain that this one is the funnier of the pair, but not by much.

2. TMNT 2 (2/10) - Another better than the first one sequel, it still fails because they simply are a product of the ‘action scenes first, plot comes never’ style of filmmaking. Can Michael Bay please stop ruining things?

3. Lights Out (2/10) - I really don’t know why everyone really liked this one. Everyone single person in this movie was unlikeable, and honestly when you don’t want anyone to survive in a horror movie, that kind of puts a damper on the tension a bit.

4. Assassin’s Creed (2/10) - Hey look a videogame movie that sucks. This one bugs the shit out of me more simply as a fan of the games, that’s why it’s low on this list. Seriously though Ubisoft, next time, utilize the Animus for more than just action scenes.

5. The Huntsman Winter’s War (2/10) - Who thought this was a good idea? Oh right, the people who realized Chris Hemsworth was a hot property and tried to capitalize on that. Also, before you all go and check, yes this did come out this year. This simply falls under the category of ‘but why though?’

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the worst film of 2016 is………………..

1. Independence Day: Resurgence

Plot Summary - Twenty years after the first film, earth is put to the test when the aliens return looking for a rematch.

    Yes folks, the way too late sequel, the most awful film of the most awful summer blockbuster in recent history (no really it was), and now the worst film I’ve seen this year. This is the film that proves that there are people in Hollywood who think that the movie going public are fucking idiotic, brain dead, and will pay for any form of dumb entertainment shoved in front of them no matter how god damn bad it is. This is my choice for worst movie of the year based solely on what it represents on the whole about this year (and because it’s also both shitty in both story and presentation, but I’m trying to make a point). People, a lot of film studios, producers, writers, and directors, are getting lazier and lazier because we keep proving to them that they can, and will still make a profit off of it. Now if you like these films regardless that’s fine, but if you get to the point that you’re so blinded to all of it’s faults that you stick your fingers in your ears to ignore them, and then yet have the audacity to turn around and go ‘gee why don’t they make good movies anymore’ then you have to realize YOU’RE THE GODDAMN PROBLEM! This film is the proof of that. It’s so obvious that every single person involved was simply there to do their least, collect their check, and go home, and yet they still had the goddamn gall to sequel bait the fucking thing because they thought we’d all go see this. Joke was on them in the end luckily, because nobody saw this fucking thing, and rightfully so.

With a Final Score of 1/10, Ladies and Gentlemen, let me present to you…..

The TMNT Award Winner for The Worst Film of 2016:

Independence Day: Resurgence

Oh thank god, after that I need a long shower.

2016, please, for the love of god, go away quietly, and take these shitty films with you please.

Next: The Most Disappointing Films of 2016 - That’s right folks, another list for your viewing pleasure.

Links:

Last Review is Here: The accidental last review for this year, may it contain future list contenders? You can read that here.

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

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Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.