Movie Review: Warcraft (2016)

Newest Review is LIVE!!! Oh good another video game movie yay......... Kill me

Hello All,

    At the time of writing this (June 12th, 2016) , I can easily say it’s been a bit of a weird day. Right now, the worst mass shooting in U.S history has occurred, and the stanley cup might be won tonight. That’s the kind of day it’s been, and I’m not trying to make light of the incident, I just wanted to give you the mindset I have at the time I’m writing this because this review will probably not be satisfactory to that many people.

    I don’t know much about the lore of the Warcraft games. I came in at World of Warcraft just after the release of the burning crusade expansion. Several years and two accounts later, I still can’t tell you anything about the deep lore of the game. I know names of places, and some of the groups, and the various races. That’s about it. So I felt I was the right kind of guy to see this movie with a fair and open mind between being a game fan and a movie fan. So how did the film do? Let’s find out shall we?

Plot Summary - When the home of a race of various Orc clans begins to die, the Warlock Gul’dan combines into an army called the Horde, and leads them through a portal into the land of Azeroth. When the Humans of Stormwind find out, the rally around their Guardian and form a plan to take down the orcs.

Pros - As a film, it is really impressive visually. As a game fan, it was really cool to see some of the places I was familiar with appear on screen. The cast is pretty good for the most part, as nothing felt phoned in or lazy. The story, on a basic level, is interesting to watch, especially near the ending.

Cons - If you don’t know the lore, trying to follow the movie will probably be tough. It does a terrible job of introducing some very key things, such as names of people, and purposes of things. If you know the lore, you might not like how much of it they had to skip over to make the story easier for non fans.  It does also suffer a sense of being massively scatter brained. There’s a lot of jumping around, and while I did enjoy the ending, they do something which I won’t say here, but it takes a really cool moment, and massively undercuts its value with a short and pretty pointless follow up scene. That’s the other problem, is that it has a lot of cliched moments that really weren’t needed. It feels like some of those could have been taken out to flush out some of the better ideas that didn’t get much attention.

Final Score - 5/10

I leave this one as a watch at your own risk type answer. I personally thought it was decent, but not great.

Next - Conjuring 2

The only reason I didn’t watch it today was because I was exhausted after getting called into work. I’ll do my best to see it soon.

Links:

Last Review is Here: Was the previous film more magical than this one? Find out here.

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

Twitch Channel is Here: I’ll admit, I don’t quite have a regular streaming schedule worked out, but if you follow either the Twitter account or the channel directly you will be notified whenever I go live.

Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.

Movie Review: Now You See Me 2 (2016)

Newest Review is LIVE!!! The Four Horsemen have returned...sort of....

Hello All,

    I’d like to address 2 things before I get into today’s review.

1. I’m 95% sure I forgot to put what movie I was reviewing next in the last one, as at that time I was exhausted and basically had no idea what I wanted to do next. Which leads me to…
2. I haven’t reviewed anything in the past few days, because I basically decided to take a break from the world. I have to admit I’ve felt a touch on the overwhelmed lately with everything that’s been going around me, so I wanted to deflate a little bit. Now I’m rested, and raring to go, but I might go at a tad slower pace for a little while longer, just so I don’t ruin my vibe.

Now, that all being said, let’s get to the review shall we?

Plot Summary - Set some time after the events of the first film, The Four Horsemen re emerge with a new member and a new plan. However, when that plan is interrupted and the four of them are somehow brought to china, they are forced into a robbery that ends up revealing so much more.

Pros - Daniel Radcliffe as the villain is easily the best thing about this movie. Morgan Freeman also returns and does his usual excellent self. The action scenes and the magic scenes are pretty interesting as well. I usually don't mention stuff like this, but watching this one kind of makes me want to see the first again since I originally watched it back in the theatres.

Cons - The rest of the characters are still very one dimensional. The story is a paper thin macguffin plot, which includes an extremely forced romance angle as well that matters so little it falls into the background of the movie. I know the movie’s about magicians, so most of this could be written off as just a magic trick, but just like the last film there’s so much about the logistics of all of it, that unfortunately my suspension of disbelief wasn’t really there for.

Final Score - 5/10

It was going to be a 4 originally, but if I can give Through the Looking Glass a lower score for ruining the first one, I can easily dish out an extra point for making me want to go back and watch the first one.

Next: Conjuring 2 - It’s going to be late Saturday Night though so…….hooray for me…….

Links:

Last Review is Here: Did I Never Stop Never Stopping? (Okay I blanked on the witty line here I apologize.)

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

Twitch Channel is Here: I’ll admit, I don’t quite have a regular streaming schedule worked out, but if you follow either the Twitter account or the channel directly you will be notified whenever I go live.

Until then, I’ll see you folks at the movies.

Movie Review: Popstar Never Stop Never Stopping (2016)

Newest Review is LIVE!!! Let's get our parody on!!!!!

Hello All,

    I’ve had a very long, and weird day, and so what better way to top it off then to watch a pretty weird parody movie. Yeah I’m just going to get straight to the point on this one. So let’s do it shall we?

Plot Summary - A documentary crew follows popstar Connor4Real (Andy Samberg) as he is about to drop his second album. The story follows him through the before and after of his album’s release, and about his past and previous band the Style Boyz.

Pros - The humour is mostly on point, and the music is classic lonely island style. The cameos are pretty spot on (Looking at you Zoolander 2, you f*ck) as well, as none of them feel forced or lazy. The visuals are pretty good as well, and they basically nail what’s wrong with pop stardom today.

Cons - The story is predictable, but that’s probably part of the point. Some of the jokes stray a bit too far from funny and into the strangely weird territory.

Final Score - 7/10

Honestly, it’s the type of film that, unless you’re a hardcore Lonely Island fan, it’s really not worth seeing more than once. If there’s a soundtrack for this movie I’d recommend to buy that instead.

Links:

Last Review is Here: I reviewed the sequel to the first worst movie I ever reviewed.

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

Twitch Channel is Here: I’ll admit, I don’t quite have a regular streaming schedule worked out, but if you follow either the Twitter account or the channel directly you will be notified whenever I go live.

Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.

Movie Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Out of the Shadows (2016)

Let's just get this over with shall we?

Hello All,

    At the very end of the first year I started these reviews, I did 2 things.

1. I named my very first worst movie of the year.
2. I named the award for future worst movies of the year after this film.

That film, was the reboot, of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise. I went on a rampage, describing the entire movie beat by beat, and why it was indeed the worst film I saw that year. Now, I will admit that I’ve seen worse films since then, but there’s always something special about your first. Especially since to this very day, it is still the highest read review, and my one of my biggest sources of traffic to this blog. The list of reviews on the right side of this blog shows my highest read reviews in order, and you will see the review for the first one at the top of that list. I recommend that after this one, you go read that one.

Imagine my surprise, and the agony I felt when I saw that the sequel was coming out. It didn’t help that I knew I had to go see it. So tonight, I swallowed my pride, and my fear, and watched the sequel, to the first worst film of the year I ever crowned. Now, only one question remains: Does it continue that legacy? Let’s find out together shall we?

Plot Summary - One year after the events of the first film, the turtles remain hidden underground as their daring defeat of Shredder has been credited to Vern Fenwick (Will Arnett.) Meanwhile, with the help of April O’Neil (Megan Fox), the turtles come across a plan to free the shredder, that evolves into an alliance with the evil Krang to conquer the world, bringing the turtles out of hiding once again to save the world.

Pros - Will Arnett was the best thing about the first movie, and he’s still the funniest thing in this franchise. The humour overall though has slightly improved since the last time. The film also introduces Krang, Bebop, and Rocksteady which are all welcome additions to the franchise. Hell, the film even manages to pull off some really cool shots.

Cons - The glaring problem from the first one, raises it’s ugly head in this one as well. The film does not regulate itself to any sort of consistent logic. Either everyone is really stupid, really smart, impossible things happen in a short amount of time, information and plot points fall out of the fucking sky, it’s just all so goddamn dumb. I know it sounds nitpicky, but that’s kind of what I do. If you are not being entertained by a film long enough that you can start noticing shit like this, then congratulations your sense of disbelief has you wrapped in a chokehold and is screaming in your ear. Not to mention the rest of the characters are badly written. The turtles are still somehow completely one dimensional (I know they have to be distinctive, but they also have to be interesting characters), Megan Fox still has no idea what to do as April O’Neil than to be a lamer Lois Lane, and holy shit Stephen Amell as Casey Jones is so frustratingly annoying I actually wanted him to stop talking. They don’t even get him to banter with Raphael, he’s just there to be dumb and fill voids in plans. The man spouts so much character exposition in his first few scenes he might as well be wearing a sign saying “Hi I’m Casey Jones, can’t you tell?” The story is badly written, Splinter has nothing to fucking do except for one funny scene (See humour above), and honestly It’s just awful.

Final Score - 2/10

That being said, It’s actually better than the first one. Not by much, and going over this again now knocked it down from being a 3, and I still cannot recommend this film to anyone except fans of the first one and the most forgiving Turtles fans.

Next - Popstar

I’m not typing out the full title fuck that. At least this one will be short, let’s just hope it can be good as well.

Links:

Last Review is Here: Wanna see what I thought of another sequel no one wanted? Click here.

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

Twitch Channel is Here: I’ll admit, I don’t quite have a regular streaming schedule worked out, but if you follow either the Twitter account or the channel directly you will be notified whenever I go live.

Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.

Movie Review: Alice Through the Looking Glass (2016)

Newest Review is LIVE!!! Dear god people.....it is bad.

Hello All,

Who here actually remembers Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland? I’ll tell you right now I certainly don’t. In fact writing this, I actually had to look up what year the first one came out. I’m not going to tell you, I’m just curious if you can remember without looking. For those of you who honestly can’t, that should basically tell you how much of an impact it had upon us as a movie going public. So why did they make a sequel six years after the fact? Cause it made a lot of money of course, plus they weren’t done taking what was left of the original book’s idea of craziness and kicking it to death. So what does this movie do that makes itself so bad? Let’s find out together shall we?

Plot Summary - After coming home from three years at sea, Alice (Mia Wasikowska) returns home to find her father’s company taken out from under her, and her mother’s home in jeopardy. Just as her problems seem to be mounting, Wonderland calls her back to help an ailing Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp) overcome danger.

Pros - It is a really good looking film, but since it’s a Tim Burton film that really shouldn’t shock you.

Cons - Although it really doesn’t do much to expand upon the look of it. Sure Time is introduced but honestly his whole look is strangely bland. It doesn’t help that the cast seems to be sleepwalking through the whole film. Sacha Baron Cohen as Time is so goddamn unfunny that it makes Brothers Grimsby look like Monty Python by comparison.

The story is lackluster, especially since it continues the biggest problem of the previous film: It tries to bring Order, into a place known for it’s Chaos. How? Why, did you know the hatter has a family, and they consider him the silly one, with a father that he always tries to impress? Did you know that the red and white queen were sisters? And that the reason that the red queen hates her sister is that she framed her for stealing a tart when they were children? And that she got her big head from an accident because of it? Best part, at the end of the movie, when the white queen apologizes for the incident, the red queen states that’s all she ever wanted.

Yeah, a major plot point in this movie is Alice figuring out how the queens came to be rivals, and it all started because one of them lied when they were children.

So, if she had apologized anytime between then and the beginning of the first film, none of the first film would’ve have happened. It’s also funny that THIS CONFLICT IS NEVER FUCKING MENTIONED IN THE FIRST GODDAMN FILM.

They basically wrote this whole film by making references to what they thought people liked about the first one, but all they did was make both films worse. How the hell is that even possible?

Final Score - Ladies and Gentlemen, I didn’t think I’d have to break this score out ever again. It seemed impossible to me that any film could ever be this bad again. After much deliberation, I have no choice but to give Alice Through The Looking Glass, a 0/10.

This film does not need to exist. This film is completely terrible, and makes its awful predecessor worse in the goddamn process. This has never happened to me before. I cannot watch the first one anymore because I’ll just be sitting there screaming “APOLOGIZE FOR THE FUCKING TART YOU TWAT!” This film didn’t make me mad while watching it, I actually almost debated taking a fucking nap. In case you don’t get my point, don’t watch this film, at all, ever.

Next - High-Rise: Wednesday most likely.

Links:

Last Review is Here: I reviewed another sequel, did it make it’s previous entries worse? Find out here.

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

Twitch Channel is Here: I’ll admit, I don’t quite have a regular streaming schedule worked out, but if you follow either the Twitter account or the channel directly you will be notified whenever I go live.

Until Next Time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.

(Spoiler Alert) Movie Review: X-Men Apocalypse

Newest Review is LIVE!!! It's time for yet another X-men Movie

Hello All,

    Another month, another superhero movie. This time, it’s the other side of the Marvel universe, The X-Men. If you’ve been able to keep up with the story so far, you’ll know that in the previous film they changed the timeline, allowing them now to rewrite the history of the X-Men to fit the new cannon. We’ve seen an example of this already with the very well done Deadpool, now it’s time to see how well they establish the past. For this one they took another classic from the comics, the Villain known as Apocalypse (although they never call him that in the film.) So how does this film hold up with the other films, and will it help cement the X-Men as a movie force to be reckoned with? Let’s find out together shall we?

Plot Summary - Taking place ten years after the events of Days of Future Past, the X-Men now find themselves apart all across the world. However, when an ancient mutant resurrects himself and begins to conquer the world, the team must reunite, and with new students at their side, save the world.

Pros - The cast is great as always in these roles, especially the newcomers who play the characters their own way and do quite well with them. The action scenes, and the visuals are also awesome as well. You get to see a lot of powers on display as well, both new and old for the series. They even manage to give quicksilver even more awesome scenes.

Cons - The biggest problem in this movie by far, is the 1h 30m of build up, in a 2h 30m movie. That’s more than half the movie, setting it up. The worst part? There is so much goddamn padding in these scenes as well. Wolverine is in the fucking movie for all of 5 minutes. He doesn’t even talk. When they story finally gets into gear, the ending is so goddamn predictable you can see it from fucking space.

Final Score - 4/10

If you can slog through the first 90 minutes, there is value to be found in the remainder, even if it’s few and far between. To answer this now, I’d rather watch this over BVS again.

Next: Alice Through The Looking Glass - Yeah, I’m going to skip neighbours 2. I just can’t do it to myself.

So, the Thursday night reviews might be posted really late for the next little while, and I apologize. They are posted for me automatically, so hopefully you guys are reading this.

Links:

Last Review is Here: If you think this film made me angry, you should read the last review here.

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

Twitch Channel is Here: I’ll admit, I don’t quite have a regular streaming schedule worked out, but if you follow either the Twitter account or the channel directly you will be notified whenever I go live.

Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.

Movie Review: The Angry Birds Movie (2016)

Newest Review is LIVE!!!! Let's get mad at the Angry Birds movie.

Hello All,

    Another month, another video game movie, and truthfully I think this might be the closest two of these film have ever been released together (feel free to correct me.) If you might recall, I actually enjoyed the previous film Ratchet and Clank, and was deeply saddened to see that it got quite a lot of negative feedback. Sure it was a touch on the basic side, but sometimes simplistic works quite well. I would also like to take this opportunity to remind people that sometimes, it’s better to save your hate for the films that really deserve. What am I talking about exactly? Let’s find out together shall we?

Plot Summary - On an island filled with flightless birds, outcast Red (Jason Sudeikis) is on the outs with the community after a group of pigs arrive at the island. When he is proven correct after all their eggs are stolen, Red must rally his community together and get them back.

Pros - The voice cast actually does a pretty good job in this one, as they do feel very true to their characters. The animation is also quite good as well, as it manages to be quite colourful and creative with the look of the world. The soundtrack is also quite decent…..

Cons - ….Even though it feels completely out of place every single time. I swear at one point it plays Sound of Da Police by Krs-One. I know right? The film has 2 really big problems:

1. At 90 minutes, it suffers from an incredible amount of padding: There are so many jokes that go on way too long, there are musical montages, there are random references to so many goddamn things that I lost count, there are way too many adult jokes for a G rated movie, and the last third of the movie feels like just a better animated version of a round of the fucking game.
2. It is such a blatant fucking cash grab: All those jokes are just there to pad it to ninety minutes while the rest of the movie is there to promote the soundtrack (so much so they mention the new music on the fucking posters for the movie), the inevitable flood of toys, and the also inevitable angry birds the movie the game.

At least Ratchet and Clank kept the jokes in universe, Angry Birds takes the approach of throw everything at the wall and hope something sticks. You know what the other half of that tactic usually leaves you as well? A whole lot of shit to stink it up.

Final Score - 3/10

I was going to give it a 2 for the cast and the animation, but I cannot deny the rather great soundtrack, despite the out of placeness of it. If you haven't seen Zootopia or Captain America yet, watch them instead.

Next: Neighbors 2 or Sing Street.

Links:

Last Review is Here: Last time, I reviewed something a little bit nicer.

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

Twitch Channel is Here: I’ll admit, I don’t quite have a regular streaming schedule worked out, but if you follow either the Twitter account or the channel directly you will be notified whenever I go live. For the next little while, I might try and stick to one game. Follow the twitter account in the next few days if you’d like to know which one.

Until then, I’ll see you folks at the movies.