Newest Review is LIVE!!! Dear god people.....it is bad.
Hello All,
Who here actually remembers Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland? I’ll tell you right now I certainly don’t. In fact writing this, I actually had to look up what year the first one came out. I’m not going to tell you, I’m just curious if you can remember without looking. For those of you who honestly can’t, that should basically tell you how much of an impact it had upon us as a movie going public. So why did they make a sequel six years after the fact? Cause it made a lot of money of course, plus they weren’t done taking what was left of the original book’s idea of craziness and kicking it to death. So what does this movie do that makes itself so bad? Let’s find out together shall we?
Plot Summary - After coming home from three years at sea, Alice (Mia Wasikowska) returns home to find her father’s company taken out from under her, and her mother’s home in jeopardy. Just as her problems seem to be mounting, Wonderland calls her back to help an ailing Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp) overcome danger.
Pros - It is a really good looking film, but since it’s a Tim Burton film that really shouldn’t shock you.
Cons - Although it really doesn’t do much to expand upon the look of it. Sure Time is introduced but honestly his whole look is strangely bland. It doesn’t help that the cast seems to be sleepwalking through the whole film. Sacha Baron Cohen as Time is so goddamn unfunny that it makes Brothers Grimsby look like Monty Python by comparison.
The story is lackluster, especially since it continues the biggest problem of the previous film: It tries to bring Order, into a place known for it’s Chaos. How? Why, did you know the hatter has a family, and they consider him the silly one, with a father that he always tries to impress? Did you know that the red and white queen were sisters? And that the reason that the red queen hates her sister is that she framed her for stealing a tart when they were children? And that she got her big head from an accident because of it? Best part, at the end of the movie, when the white queen apologizes for the incident, the red queen states that’s all she ever wanted.
Yeah, a major plot point in this movie is Alice figuring out how the queens came to be rivals, and it all started because one of them lied when they were children.
So, if she had apologized anytime between then and the beginning of the first film, none of the first film would’ve have happened. It’s also funny that THIS CONFLICT IS NEVER FUCKING MENTIONED IN THE FIRST GODDAMN FILM.
They basically wrote this whole film by making references to what they thought people liked about the first one, but all they did was make both films worse. How the hell is that even possible?
Final Score - Ladies and Gentlemen, I didn’t think I’d have to break this score out ever again. It seemed impossible to me that any film could ever be this bad again. After much deliberation, I have no choice but to give Alice Through The Looking Glass, a 0/10.
This film does not need to exist. This film is completely terrible, and makes its awful predecessor worse in the goddamn process. This has never happened to me before. I cannot watch the first one anymore because I’ll just be sitting there screaming “APOLOGIZE FOR THE FUCKING TART YOU TWAT!” This film didn’t make me mad while watching it, I actually almost debated taking a fucking nap. In case you don’t get my point, don’t watch this film, at all, ever.
Next - High-Rise: Wednesday most likely.
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Until Next Time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.
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