This list is admittedly more for me. I watch a lot of films over the course of an average year and I like to make sure a good chunk of them get covered. This list is also great to talk about the type of films I find disappointing, the stuff I had high hopes for and while they weren’t the worst films, they certainly could’ve been better. The rules for this list: 7 is best, 4 is worst, and middle is descending numerically, but still fair game for any film. But first, we have disqualifications.
Disqualifications
Apart from the Stories in your mind (7/10) It’s the best short film I’ve been asked to review this year. I meant that sincerely.
Justice League (6/10) This was better than it honestly deserved to be, especially after...what happened. Zack, I do have copies of 300 and Watchmen. Do you know Kevin Smith? You guys will get along nicely. I will buy this one day, and I will watch it again.
Pokemon the Movie I Choose You (5/10) It wins, regardless of how much I kind of liked it, the worst title of the year award. Good Enough for me.
The Fate of The Furious (6/10) Because I actually liked this one. If it’s ever two for twenty bucks with justice league. At minimum.
Tie: Tatara Samurai (4/10) - Tokyo Ghoul (7/10) - The worst and best foreign film I saw this year. And the reason this got to five films.
Alright? Alright. It’s time to count down.
The Top Ten Most Disappointing Films of 2017
10. Ferdinand
For the original review click here
Plot Summary - Ferdinand (John Cena) is a flower loving bull who refuses to fight. When he is stung by a bee and goes on a rampage however, he ends up being taken far from home, and is forced to face the thing he hates to do the most.
This was the more memorable John Cena movie that came out this year, and he was really good in it. This is on here entirely because of that idiotic dance sequence that I deducted three points for. Let this film serve as a simple reminder: there are ways to extend running times for kids films, that don’t involve pandering to the lowest common denominator. Can we please start making kids films great again? Please?
Final Score - 6/10
9. Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Men Tell No Tales
For the original review click here
Plot Summary - Henry Turner (Brenton Thwaites) seeks out the mythical trident of poseidon to break his father’s curse. To do this, he enlists the help of his father’s old friend, Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp.)
The first pirates movie is a rewatch favourite of mine. Every film since then less and less so. This film is the one that has finally made me stop caring. I hate to say they’re beating a dead horse, so instead I’ll say that I think the dead men have no more pirates tales to tell. Yes I’m aware of the end credits scene, but when was the last time you heard they were making Pirates 6?
Final Score - 5/10
8. The Great Wall
For the original review click here
Plot Summary - William Garin (Matt Damon) has travelled to China with his companion in search of black powder. However, when they are captured by a group called The Nameless Order who defends the great wall, he gets entangled in their ancient battle against a mysterious evil.
The China - Hollywood love affair seems to be cooling down at the moment, and it wouldn’t surprise me if this film was one of the reasons why. Mostly because I think that we might be able to convince people that this was a film made by aliens who had only a basic understanding as to how movies work. Either that or this is proof that hollywood executive idiocy knows no language barrier.
Final Score - 5/10
7. Murder on the Orient Express
For the original review click here
Plot Summary - While aboard the famous Orient Express, Detective Poirot (Kenneth Branagh) must solve the murder of a high profile gangster.
I don’t read a lot of books, but I knew about Orient Express. This didn’t feel like a great orient express movie, it just felt like a weird retelling of it. With more emphasis on the dialogue rather than the mystery, this one is a very basic qualification for disappointment because it’s just not what I was expecting. Let’s hope the sequel is better, if they follow through.
Final Score - 5/10
6. Beauty and the Beast
For the original review click here
Plot Summary - in mid 1700’s france, Belle (Emma Watson) is a social outcast in her village, where she lives with her father, and eludes the romantic attempts of Gaston (Luke Evans), the village hero. When her father is captured in the strange castle of The Beast (Dan Stevens), she offers to take his place, while unknowingly falling into the plan of the cursed housestaff who set out to return themselves to normal.
The disney live action remake train is alive and well, so why was this so mediocre? Granted I’m not the biggest fan of the original, but a chance to update it and they only changed things a tiny bit? Why? This could’ve been a great way to shake up the disney formula in the same style as Frozen. Instead, we got to see Emma Watson sing. Yay?
Final Score - 5/10
5. Before I Fall
For the original review click here
Plot Summary - Samantha Kingston (Zoey Deutch) is a high school senior who seems to be living the same day of her life over and over again. Stuck in the loop, she soon thinks of what she might have to do to break the cycle.
So we’re really ripping off groundhog day huh? Fine, Happy Death Day proved that it could work kind of. Before I fall feels like the thing you feel before you fall: Air. They did nothing with the concept except make it about young adult stuff, a genre which is starting to die (hopefully.) So yeah, this one is merely here to serve as a enigma. It’s just a strange mesh of ideas that amount to meh.
Final Score - 5/10
5. The Lost City of Z
For the original review click here
Plot Summary - Based on the true story of Percy Fawcett (Charlie Hunnam) and his journey to find a mythical lost amazonian city, which he called Zed.
This film is here for two reasons. First: Tom, Charlie, you wo guys really need to get yourselves better films than this because this is just the kind of filler that will ruin careers because no one will see them. Two: because this is dull as dog dirt. You had a real life story of an explorer and you made it painfully boring. Don’t get me wrong it’s a great looking film….that’s it. More like lost city of zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz am I right?
Final Score - 5/10
3. Birth of the Dragon
For the original review click here
Plot Summary - Inspired by the true story, Birth of the Dragon tells the story around of a legendary fight between Martial Arts Legend Bruce Lee and Shaolin Monk Master Wong Jack Man.
You took a movie about a fight between two legendary martial artists, made the main character a made up white guy, and threw in a star crossed lovers story with chinese gangsters, and it was still boring? Just…..how? To be fair though, this got my dad to like a kung fu movie, so that’s why it’s not on the last list. Still pissed me off though.
Final Score - 5/10
2. Monster Trucks
For the original review click here
Plot Summary - Tripp Coley (Lucas Till) is a high school senior who only has two goals: to build his truck, and leave his small town behind him. However, when trouble arises at the nearby oilfield, Tripp finds himself helping out an unusual friend.
So this is one of those cases of a film being delayed over and over and then being dumped in January. The took some good casting, and some above average ideas for these kinds of lazy kids films and surrounded it with mediocrity. I hate seeing potential wasted, this is just a bleh film that could’ve been okay.
Final Score - 4/10
But before we get to the most disappointing, we have a few…
Dishonourable Mentions
Underworld: Blood Wars (5/10) - Less offensive than resident evil, at least this one didn’t betray the mythology.
A Dog’s Purpose (5/10) - This is what we call emotional manipulation at its finest. I’m not gonna lie though, manly tears were shed. I’m not made of stone dammit.
Personal Shopper (7/10) - Uhm, I kind of need to watch this one again, maybe I missed the point?
Una (7/10) - Maybe this one’s over my head, but I just don’t know what to make of it.
The Foreigner (6/10) - This has been Jackie’s best american movie in quite some time. We were lucky it was this good.
And now, it’s time for the most disappointing film of 2017...
1. Their Finest
For the original review click here
Plot Summary - In the height of World War Two, a team of filmmakers are tasked with taking a true story from Dunkirk, and turning it into a film that will boost the nation's morale.
Did you know that there’s an accidental Dunkirk Trilogy for 2017? If you watch Darkest Hour, then Dunkirk, then this, you’d have a film about dunkirk before, during, and after. Too bad this last film is not that great. It goes in too quick, doesn’t develop too much, and throws in a forced romance angle that does nothing. This is to me at least, a textbook example of potential wasted and it’s a damn shame. This is more than enough for me to do this…
With a final score of 4/10, Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you….
The Most Disappointing Film of the Year Award for 2017
Their Finest
This was a tough list. Just like the year itself. Let’s see what we got next.
Next: The Best Films of 2017 - Ah shit I spoke too soon.
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Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.
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