Movie Review: Ben Hur (2016)

Newest Review is LIVE!!! Today, let’s tread back into the world of modern remakes.

Hello All,

    For any of you who saw my twitter feed the day before I posted this, you know that I did a live tweet review of the 1959 version of the story of Ben Hur, (which fun fact itself is a remake of a 1929 silent film, which was based on an 1880’s book). In the end, I gave it a 10/10. I did that, because I knew that I would be seeing the new remake as the first of the three new films coming out this weekend. I mention this because, as much as I ended up enjoying the 59 version, for the sake of this review, I am judging the new one entirely on it’s own merits. If I do make any slight errors in this, note that I simply am comparing technique instead of quality. With that out of the way, let’s begin shall we?

Plot Summary - Judah Ben-Hur (Jack Huston) is a Jewish prince living in Roman occupied Jerusalem. When his adoptive brother Messala (Toby Kebbell) returns from duty in the roman army, he asks Judah to help him repress rebellion in the city. When Judah refuses, Messala uses an opportunity to seek revenge by destroying his family, and sending him away to a slave ship. However, when Judah finds himself freed, he finds himself employed by Sheik Ilderim (Morgan Freeman) who provides him an opportunity to seek his revenge.

Pros - The film is quite a visual spectacle. The galley scenes are intense, and the chariot race feels nicely paced. It even manages to throw in a couple of ouch moments as well in the race. The cast is fine for the most part, and there are some parts of the story that are actually quite well done as well. It does get across the message of the original story as well in a way which kind fo works.

Cons - Since it is during the Roman occupation of the holy land, Jesus does play a background character throughout the story. Sadly though, what he contributes to the actual story is super minimal, and his presence feels like lip service to the fact he was more significant in the previous version. In an effort to compress the story down for time, huge chunks of the story are told through exposition, and yet they feel the need to try and show us more of Messala’s time in the army, which does nothing really to help the story except to reinforce the idea that the Romans are the bad guys, which the rest of the film does fine. They rearrange some elements of the story as well in ways which doesn’t make sense. Now, for what will be my only direct comparison to the 59 version: Since that one took the time the tell the full story, we got to experience what the character was feeling step by step. Since the new one cut a lot of that out, what they had to put in to fill those voids had to work just as well, and sadly here while some of it does work well, almost the same amount, if not slightly more doesn’t. Apologies if this sounds repetitive, I just really want to make sure I make myself clear.

Final Score - 4/10

Overall, I can’t be too mad at this film. It sadly falls in the needless remake category, and while it could’ve been a lot worse, I feel like this film missed most of the point about what the original story was trying to tell.

Next: Kubo and The Two Strings - I really want to see this tomorrow, but a rainy day ruined my plans on Wednesday, so I’m trying to find a balance between the two.

Links:

Last Review is Here: The last review was a side by side comparison of the two types of kids films: The Good and The Bad. You can read that here.

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NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

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Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.

Double Movie Review: Pete's Dragon (2016) & Nine Lives (2016)

Newest Review is LIVE!!! Today, let’s compare two types of kids films.

Hello All,

    So we’re doing a slightly different type of double review tonight. I want to take this opportunity to address a long standing issue that I may have brought up once or twice over the course of this blog’s existence: The quality of kids films. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard the phrase “It’s just a kids film, who cares?” I’d be quite rich, but still deeply annoyed. My greatest example of why this is wrong is simple: If you wouldn’t let your kid eat shitty food, watch shitty tv, or wear shitty clothes, why is it okay for them to watch a shitty movie? With that being said, what is my definition of a shitty kids film? Today, this is what we’re finding out. So let’s dig in shall we?

Pete’s Dragon Plot Summary - After being lost in the woods for six years, Pete (Oakes Fegley) gets discovered by park ranger Grace (Bryce Dallas Howard). When she tries to figure out how he survived for so long, she starts to unravel something bigger than all of them.

Nine Lives Plot Summary - Tom Brandt (Kevin Spacey) is businessman who spends more time at work then at home. When he finds himself at odds within his own company, an accident see him ending up trapped in the body of a cat, and being taken care of by his own family, until he can learn to be a better human beating.

Pete’s Dragon Pros - The cast is great, as they really get into their characters. The highlight though is the dragon itself, as they manage to give it quite a lot of character even without having him talk. The story moves along at a nice pace, and the scenery is quite breathtaking at times.

Nine Lives Pros - The last joke in the movie was kind of funny.

Pete’s Dragon Cons - The story is predictable, and Karl Urban as the villain lacks any real motivation other than being kind of an asshole.

Nine Lives Cons - The story is thin, even at 87 minutes. The pacing is non existent as there are just scenes that contribute nothing to the story. Most of the jokes are just the cat doing un cat like things. Also, parts of the humour rely on people being cruel to said cat, including at one point ii guards threatening to taze the thing. The CGI is bad, the effects are bad, this whole film looks like a made for tv movie. It even has the cut away for the commercials that’ll inevitably be played around this thing. The film even has the fucking nerve to start with youtube cat videos, this movie can go fuck itself.

Pete’s Dragon Final Score - 9/10. It’s got its weak points, but quite honestly it’s one of the better kids films I’ve seen so far this year.

Nine Lives Final Score - 1/10. This is the definition of lazy filmmaking. If you want to watch a cat do dumb things for ninety minutes, save yourself some time and money, I’m sure there’s a playlist on youtube just for you.

So what did we learn? If you treat a kids film like the piece of cinematic art it can be, you can make something truly magical, that will stay with the kids long after they’ve left the theatre. If you treat it like you’re just dangling keys in front of the kids for ninety minutes, all you do is waste the time of everyone involved, and everyone who watches.

I hope you all can see now why this drives me mad, and why we need to start doing something about these awful films. Please, for the love of god, if you have kids who want to see these movies, sit down with them, and convince them to watch ANYTHING ELSE that is both great and appropriate for them.

Thank you.

Links:

Last Review is Here: (Insert last blog link, don’t say name of movie.)

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

Twitch Channel is Here: I’ll admit, I don’t quite have a regular streaming schedule worked out, but if you follow either the Twitter account or the channel directly you will be notified whenever I go live.

Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.

Movie Review: Sausage Party (2016)

Newest Review is LIVE!!! I wasted the best joke for this in a tweet.

Hello All,

    Not gonna lie, I really don’t have an opening for this. Comedy films are always really hard to talk about, because humour is a very subjective topic, and not everyone is going to think all the same things are funny (Especially if you spend too much time on Tumblr.) No matter what opinion I give on this, someone is going to tell me that either this was the funniest thing they’ve ever seen, or it’s 90 minutes of their lives that they’re never getting back. Yet here I am once again, handing out an opinion on it, because people ask me for it. So after thinking long and hard about it, was Sausage Party worth the wait? Let’s find out together shall we?

Plot Summary - In an everyday supermarket, the food there have dreams of being chosen to go to the great beyond. When the truth is revealed however, a lone sausage named Frank (Seth Rogen) must show them all the truth before it’s too late.

Pros - The voice cast is pretty solid, as they have a wide variety of talent on display. The animation also holds up well for what they’re trying to do with it. Towards the end the humour does pick up quite a bit as it just goes way the hell of the rails into absurdity.

Cons - This movie’s humour is 98% obvious food puns, there’s a scene of literal food porn that would make Team America’s puppets blush, the actual ending of the film is fucking stupid, the movie’s so poorly I wouldn’t be surprised if was generated by a computer program, and the whole thing is just flat out boring.

Final Score - 4/10

I personally cannot recommend this film at all. If anyone asks me if they should see it, I will say no. I know there will be those of you who will go see it and enjoy it, and to you I say good for you, hope you have a blast. To me, this was really stupid.

Next - Pete’s Dragon and/or Nine Lives. Might make it a double, or hell even a contrast comparison review based on what I’m hearing.

Links:

Last Review is Here: The last review was weird. You can read that here.

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

Twitch Channel is Here: I’ll admit, I don’t quite have a regular streaming schedule worked out, but if you follow either the Twitter account or the channel directly you will be notified whenever I go live.

Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.

Movie Review: Suicide Squad (2016)

Newest Review is LIVE!!! Round #3 for the DCU, can they make a comeback?

Hello All,

    Boy this film gained a lot of controversy in a short amount of time huh? For the record, any petitions to shut down this blog based on any will only be achieved after I’m long dead. I mean on one hand, I suppose I can’t blame DC fans for being upset that attempt number three at the DCU has supposedly gone so awry, but at the same time, they do know Rotten Tomatoes itself is not a review site right? Their Tomatometer only collects and analyzes all the other reviews and displays the average score and consensus. If I was big enough for them to count me in that, my opinion would be smushed in there right along with it. To blame them for any negative influence is like blaming the guy who delivers the papers when something bad makes the front page. That being said, I suppose you all want my opinion on it, and I’ve stalled long enough. Let’s see how round three of the DCU fairs shall we?

Plot Summary - After the death of Superman, government agent Amanda Waller (Viola Davis) gathers a group of the most elite criminals, to form a team to go after extraordinary threats. When such a threat to Midway City arises, she calls in the team known as Task Force X, or as the forced members put it, The Suicide Squad.

Pros - I can’t figure out between the characters and the soundtrack which I like more. The cast is amazing, and the chemistry between the characters is spot on. The soundtrack throughout the movie is phenomenal as well. Hell I’m listening to it as I type this. The look of the film is cool as hell too, as it really does make a great use of visuals, colours, atmosphere to make possibly the best looking DCU so far. When the film gets going, it gets really good and builds up to a pretty damn good climax.

Cons - The plot feels like it’s had something removed, as it kind of feels strangely thin. The structure of the first act feels like exposition, albeit done in an entertaining fashion. The Joker is relegated to the subplot, which is a damn shame. The film also has a tendency to jump around a bit too much with flashbacks, which makes the structure of the whole thing feel kind of all over the place.

Final Score - 6/10 With a Lower Score Seal of Approval.

I cannot deny that the film is on a technical level deeply flawed, but as someone who has been greatly disappointed with the DCU so far, this is easily it’s best film, and it’s still also entertaining as hell.

Next: Nine Lives - From what I hear, we might have a new contender for worst movie of the year. I can’t tell if that makes me happy or terrified.

We’re five reviews away from the 200th review special. Oh boy am I excited, and I also realize I need to get back to work on that one.

Links:

Last Review is Here: Want to see what kind of film gets a really low score from me? Find out through the link here.

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

Twitch Channel is Here: I’ll admit, I don’t quite have a regular streaming schedule worked out, but if you follow either the Twitter account or the channel directly you will be notified whenever I go live.

Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.

Movie Review: Lights Out (2016)

Newest Review is LIVE!!! Let's go and get scared in the dark with Lights Out

Hello All,

    Well it feels like for the most part, I have managed to kill an insane amount of time before Suicide Squad comes out. I have to say, for the most part, I cannot wait for this summer to be over. I think I’m in the majority here when I say (probably again) this summer has been dreadful. Bourne last week was a disappointment, and while I am still looking forward to Suicide Squad, early reviews for it are pretty bad. I know I’m beating a dead horse topic wise but honestly what else is there to talk about? Hell my last review didn’t even have one of these opening text bits. I’m just rambling at this point, let’s just get to the review shall we?

Plot Summary - When Rebecca (Teresa Palmer) sees that her brother is suffering from lack of sleep after her stepfather has been murdered, she finds herself going back home to visit their mother, and gets wrapped up in a mystery from her past that threatens to tear apart their family.

Pros - It’s a really cool idea and concept that the film, mostly, pulls off in an interesting manner. It’s a film that truly makes you afraid of the dark again, and the ending is a pretty interesting variation from the norm of these kind of modern horror films.

Cons - I’m going to do this in list form, because I want to emphasize a couple of things.

1. Every single character is extremely uninteresting and I hate them all. All of the actors seem bored out of their mind.
2. The story is predictable, bland, and the pacing is shit. It’s such a waste of a cool idea because they do almost nothing with it except for a few cool scenes.
3. Most of the scares are jump scares. Jump scares are the lazy way to scare people, and if you think they’re the pinnacle of horror films YOU ARE THE FUCKING PROBLEM!
4. Truth be told, I had to step out once or twice, but that was more from the film reminding me of my childhood fear of the dark than the film itself. I really didn’t want to see this film and I almost bailed entirely just because of that.

Final Score - 2/10. It’s a great idea fucking squandered. I can’t remember ever leaving a film twice, or even wanting to leave a film that badly. I honestly can’t recommend it to anyone and truthfully, fuck the whole experience.

Next - Suicide Squad. We’re going to try for Thursday night, or ASAP.

Links:

Last Review is Here: Honestly, my last review was not great. If you’d like to see it anyways, click the link here.

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

Twitch Channel is Here: I’ll admit, I don’t quite have a regular streaming schedule worked out, but if you follow either the Twitter account or the channel directly you will be notified whenever I go live.

Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.

Movie Review: Nerve (2016)

Newest Review is LIVE!!! It's truth or dare without the truth and on the internet

Hello All,

    I got nothing for this one, let’s just get right to it shall we?

Plot Summary - High Schooler Vee (Emma Roberts), after being humiliated in front of her crush, decides to sign up as a player for an online version of Truth or Dare. The game is simply known as Nerve, and the idea of it is that players complete dares for money, and watchers pay to watch and committee vote dares for the players. When she runs into fellow player Ian (Dave Franco) and has to team up with him, they take a tour around New York as the game ultimately begins to unwinds into danger as they have to figure out how to win and survive.

Pros - The cast is pretty solid, as they have a decently diverse bunch of characters to help tell the story. The look of the film is pretty interesting as well, as it diversifies the look of the city, and the way the world looks through the eyes of the game as well. Some of the stunts they have to pull off in the film are intense as well, as a few of them had me clutching the seat intensely.

Cons -  The story is not great, and it gets told in rather clunky methods. Nothing about it really surprised me, and it honestly misses out on a lot of potential with the concept. It also really doesn’t try and adhere to any sense of logic, it just says things about how the game works and just expects you to go along with it because technology. The conflicts of the characters are also not great, as again their motivations are just broad stroked. Just like Bad Moms, there was also a ridiculous number of musical montages.

Final Score - 5/10

This is a film that is the definition of mediocre. It relies on style over substance and while it isn’t the worse movie ever, I’d call it watch at your own risk.

Next - Lights Out. Jesus Christ I’m not looking forward to this.

Links:

Last Review is Here: (Insert last blog link, don’t say name of movie.)

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

Twitch Channel is Here: I’ll admit, I don’t quite have a regular streaming schedule worked out, but if you follow either the Twitter account or the channel directly you will be notified whenever I go live.

Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.

Movie Review: Bad Moms (2016)

Newest Review is LIVE!!! Another female led comedy, how does this one hold up?

Hello All,

    The catching up has begun. I managed to get over to the city and see a movie today, while having a pretty go Pokemon hunting trip as well. I’m enjoying this new way of doing reviews, get me out and about and still watching movies when I can. Today I tackled a comedy about irresponsible parents, let’s see how that one faired shall we?

Plot Summary - Amy Mitchell (Mila Kunis) tries her best to be the perfect mother, but when one day she gets completely fed up, she decides with the help of two other moms to go off on a long overdue self indulgent binge. This however puts her at odds with the head of the PTA, as the two begin a clash of ideas and parenting.

Pros - The highlight of the film is by far the chemistry between the three leads. All three bring in great characters and personalities that mix well, and they even all get pretty good story arcs. The jokes are mostly funny, as it feels like they’re trying to be smarter than just bottom of the barrel type humour.

Cons - The story and character arcs have their predictable moments, and some of the jokes don’t really work. There’s also a couple of scenes that feel like padding, and for the love of god, there are also way too many music montages. Holy shit I thought rom coms were the worst offender, this movie hits it out of the damn park in that regard.

Final Score - 8/10

It’s not going to be anyone’s favourite, but honestly it’s definitely worth a watch.

Next - Nerve: Going to try for tomorrow with this one. We’ll also see about Lights Out, but like I’ve said before, that one’s got me nervous.

Links:

Last Review is Here: Last time I reviewed one of the most anticipated movies of the summer. You can read about that here.

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

Twitch Channel is Here: I’ll admit, I don’t quite have a regular streaming schedule worked out, but if you follow either the Twitter account or the channel directly you will be notified whenever I go live.

Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.