Newest Review is LIVE!!! Today, let’s compare two types of kids films.
Hello All,
So we’re doing a slightly different type of double review tonight. I want to take this opportunity to address a long standing issue that I may have brought up once or twice over the course of this blog’s existence: The quality of kids films. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard the phrase “It’s just a kids film, who cares?” I’d be quite rich, but still deeply annoyed. My greatest example of why this is wrong is simple: If you wouldn’t let your kid eat shitty food, watch shitty tv, or wear shitty clothes, why is it okay for them to watch a shitty movie? With that being said, what is my definition of a shitty kids film? Today, this is what we’re finding out. So let’s dig in shall we?
Pete’s Dragon Plot Summary - After being lost in the woods for six years, Pete (Oakes Fegley) gets discovered by park ranger Grace (Bryce Dallas Howard). When she tries to figure out how he survived for so long, she starts to unravel something bigger than all of them.
Nine Lives Plot Summary - Tom Brandt (Kevin Spacey) is businessman who spends more time at work then at home. When he finds himself at odds within his own company, an accident see him ending up trapped in the body of a cat, and being taken care of by his own family, until he can learn to be a better human beating.
Pete’s Dragon Pros - The cast is great, as they really get into their characters. The highlight though is the dragon itself, as they manage to give it quite a lot of character even without having him talk. The story moves along at a nice pace, and the scenery is quite breathtaking at times.
Nine Lives Pros - The last joke in the movie was kind of funny.
Pete’s Dragon Cons - The story is predictable, and Karl Urban as the villain lacks any real motivation other than being kind of an asshole.
Nine Lives Cons - The story is thin, even at 87 minutes. The pacing is non existent as there are just scenes that contribute nothing to the story. Most of the jokes are just the cat doing un cat like things. Also, parts of the humour rely on people being cruel to said cat, including at one point ii guards threatening to taze the thing. The CGI is bad, the effects are bad, this whole film looks like a made for tv movie. It even has the cut away for the commercials that’ll inevitably be played around this thing. The film even has the fucking nerve to start with youtube cat videos, this movie can go fuck itself.
Pete’s Dragon Final Score - 9/10. It’s got its weak points, but quite honestly it’s one of the better kids films I’ve seen so far this year.
Nine Lives Final Score - 1/10. This is the definition of lazy filmmaking. If you want to watch a cat do dumb things for ninety minutes, save yourself some time and money, I’m sure there’s a playlist on youtube just for you.
So what did we learn? If you treat a kids film like the piece of cinematic art it can be, you can make something truly magical, that will stay with the kids long after they’ve left the theatre. If you treat it like you’re just dangling keys in front of the kids for ninety minutes, all you do is waste the time of everyone involved, and everyone who watches.
I hope you all can see now why this drives me mad, and why we need to start doing something about these awful films. Please, for the love of god, if you have kids who want to see these movies, sit down with them, and convince them to watch ANYTHING ELSE that is both great and appropriate for them.
Thank you.
Links:
Last Review is Here: (Insert last blog link, don’t say name of movie.)
Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.
NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.
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Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.
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