Double Movie Review: Una (2017) & The Snowman (2017)

Hello All,

    So this was an accident. I did not mean to another double but after yesterday I was drained. So, we got another today. I’ll try to keep them short, because I’m still exhausted (The Snowman review is a big hint as to why.) So let’s get through this shall we?

Una Review

Plot Summary - A young woman named Una (Rooney Mara) shows up at the workplace of an older man named “Pete” (Ben Mendelsohn), determined to find out the truth of their illicit sexual relationship they had when she was 13.

Pros - The cast is fairly solid, the story is intense and emotional, and handles a delicate subject matter fairly well. I say delicate subject matter for lack of a better term.

Cons - Most of the side characters feel fairly useless, for a 94 minute movie there’s a lot of silent walking, and I feel like it’s missing a certain emotional punch. This was adapted from a play, and I feel like something got lost in translation.

Final Score - 7/10

The Snowman Review

Plot Summary - When women start going missing, detective Harry Hole (Michael Fassbender) begins to suspect there’s a serial killer, who leaves a snowman as his mark.

Pros - Uhm…..I like the fact that they shot it on location in Norway where the book takes place.

Cons - The best way to describe this film is incomplete. The director himself even said that they missed roughly 10% - 15% of the script when shooting due to time constraints. Oh boy, does that show. The cast are stranded with nothing to do, the plot is incomprehensible and full of holes, and it’s extremely clear that it’s been edited down to complete shit.

Final Score - 1/10

The 1 is mostly out of pity. I hear the book is great, I might actually pick up a copy. As for the movie, stay the fuck away. I, personally, am furious that they even bothered to release it as is.

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Double Movie Review: Happy Death Day (2017) & The Foreigner (2017)

Hello All,

    I have to push this one out quickly due to time restraints, so we’re just going to get right to it shall we?

Happy Death Day Review

Plot Summary - “Tree” Gelbman (Jessica Rothe) is your typical sorority girl, who happens to be going through the motions on her birthday. When the night ends in her death however, and she starts the day over again, she finds herself having to solve her own murder.

Pros - The cast is great, and Rothe does a fairly good job as Tree. The premise, while familiar, does get used to good effect and it actually does help with elements of the story. There’s a surprising amount of good dark humour, and even some interesting kills. I admit I both kind of like and hate the ending, I’ll explain more below.

Cons - The movie suffers from not the most jarring tone problem, but it is enough to render it distracting. It also has some plot holes, a very out of place music montage, and  that ending is a mixed bag. There are some moments of it I liked, but it’s dragged down by the inescapable notion that it was just added to pad the run time. The killer's motivation is also EXTREMELY fucking lame and it’s never given a good explanation, which renders the ending completely mute.

Final Score - 5/10

I think I found this year’s definitive mixed bag, but definitely one of the bigger disappointments. Sure I had low standards going in, but the fact that there are good ideas buried alive in it is both surprising and tragic. This should’ve been better.

The Foreigner Review

Plot Summary - When his daughter is killed by a new IRA, a retired Vietnam special forces op decides to track down a former IRA member and get the names of the bombers, and his revenge.

Pros - It’s great to see Chan and Brosnan back in films, as they both do very well here. The story is intriguing and has its twists and turns, managing to keep the suspense up throughout. The action scenes are cool, as Chan does his own stunts.

Cons - The story tries to layer itself, but comes across more as hard to follow, as it also relies a bit too much on audience knowledge of the original IRA and their history. There’s also way too many side characters. Like way too many.

Final Score - 6/10

While it mostly won me over with it’s lead actors, there is entertainment to be had here, even if it’s a bit far reaching.

Next: The Snowman (?) - It’s my top priority, but as of writing this the main site I use to figure out showtime's is down so I can’t confirm it yet.

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Want to read more? Click Below for my last review. What is it of? Another double review. Four the price of two, how can that go wrong?

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Double Movie Review: Tokyo Ghoul (2017) & Loving Vincent (2017)

Hello All,

    So scheduling kind of has me all over the place this week. There are some films I definitely will see, some I’m trying to see, and some I can take a gamble one. Today we’ll be covering the gambles. One is a live adaptation of an anime series I’ve never seen, and the other one is a film that was made entirely out of hand painted oil paintings. I’m not joking. So with that in mind, let’s get strange with it shall we?

Tokyo Ghoul Review

Plot Summary - In a world where human eating ghouls live amongst people, Ken Kaneki (Masataka Kubota) finds himself attacked by such a creature. When her organs are transferred into him after the attack, he finds himself now a half ghoul, and suddenly having to learn how to survive.

Pros - The film for the most part has fantastic visuals, especially for the low budget they were reportedly working on. The idea is certainly interesting, the characters are intriguing, and for the most part the film does work rather well overall for someone like me who hasn’t watched the series.

Cons - The story covers a lot of ground at an okay rate, but I did find myself more caught up in the spectacle rather than the details. Some of the cgi can also look a bit wonky at times.

Final Score - 7/10

For a film that was a blip on my radar, it turned out better than I had anticipated. Not sure if I can recommend to fans or not so I’m just going to say for everyone go on in with a bit of caution.

Loving Vincent Review

Plot Summary - One year after the death of Vincent Van Gogh, his mailman asks his son Armand Roulin (Douglas Booth) to deliver Vincent’s final letter for him, causing Armand to have to delve deep into the world of the beloved painter.

Pros - So it’s basically impossible to talk about this film without discussing how the film was made. Each of the films 65,000 frames was hand painted with oil paints in Van Gogh's style, and it makes the film breathtaking to watch. It’s wonderful to see all the little nuances in how the world moves, and how they manage to bring it to life as well. The cast do a good job to match the images, and it adds on to the sense of watching one long living painting. The film also takes a great approach of tackling the subject from the point of view of someone who barely knew him, which makes it easier to understand for people who don’t know much about painted art like myself.

Cons - If art is not really your thing, then this might not do much for you.

Final Score - 10/10

You know, I was going to go with a 9, but I think just the impressive achievement in the filmmaking technique this movie pulled off alone is enough to bump it up a point.

Next: The Foreigner & Happy Death Day - Yeah so it’s definitely going to be a double, just don’t be shocked if when I write it I mention how exhausted I am.

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Movie Review: The Mountain Between Us (2017)

Hello All,

    So last time I asked how do you make a horror movie boring? Today, I want to ask a different question. Why do people fall in love? No, that’s too broad. Let’s narrow it down a bit: Why do people fall in love in movies? Almost as broad, but at least in movies there’s a capability there to show you exactly why people fall in love. But I want to take that question one step further: Why do people fall in love in movies where it doesn’t need to happen? AKA The forced romantic subplot. Now I don’t have time at the moment to get into the vast array of nuances about this question, so today I’m tackling the topic in general, using today’s movie as sort of a guideline. Yeah spoiler alert by the way but if reading this gets the point I want to make across to you, then I’m okay with that. Also doing a normal review on top of this, but I will get to my point further down. So let’s get to it shall we?

Plot Summary - When two strangers decide to rent a plane to beat a snowstorm, they instead end up crashing on the side of a mountain and must band together in order to survive.

Pros - Idris Elba and Kate Winslet are trying their absolute best with the material given to them and you can’t blame them for that.

Cons - For a survival movie, not a lot happens. Now granted sometimes that’s how survival works, but jesus you could’ve called this walking then talking the movie because that’s all that happens. That scene from the trailer of winslet falling in the ice, is one of two interesting things that happen and that’s it. I’d comment on the dialogue, but honestly the actual goddamn words are so forgettable that (and once again, spoiler alert) it completely shocked me when the two of them, after finding a cabin, decide to start having sex. Now granted there is a slight build up….right before they do it, and that’s pretty much it. This by far is my biggest problem with the movie, because it basically came out of nowhere. I remember them talking about other things, but not falling in love with each other. Hell, he’s recently widowed, and she was on her way to get married when they crashed, so it makes even less sense. In romance films, words are basically everything when it comes to describing love, so if your film is lacking that (or has the appearance of lacking that in this case maybe) then any romance afterwards is going to feel forced. I’m not opposed to romance subplots, but goddammit if you’re going to do it do it fucking properly. This films fails at it so miserably I ended up leaving before it was even over. Which reminds me…

Final Score: Disqualified - Yeah, the romance thing made me leave. Hell, I even got the refund on my ticket. Out of fairness, I’m not scoring it, and it will not make any of my official year end lists. The only list this is going on is on the list of films I should’ve skipped.

I leave you all with this final message: If you ever write a film, or know someone who is writing a film, and the idea of making the two leads fall in love without any sort of real reason for it comes up, smack yourself/them. Forced romance doesn't make shitty films better, it only drags them down.

Next: The Foreigner - Not quite sure when, and admittedly it might not even be the next immediate review. Just wanted to name something.

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Movie Review: Flatliners (2017)

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    How do you make a horror movie boring? Sure I’ve brought this up in other reviews, but this time I’m straight posing this as a question. How do you make a horror movie boring? The simplest answer would be to make a horror film, that has no horror. So then what are you making? Well, something like Flatliners. Yeah early spoiler but jesus this sucked to watch. Why? Well, let’s find together shall we?

Plot Summary - When five friends embark on an experiment to find out what happens when you die, the results turn out to be more deadly than they could have ever imagined.

Pros - Diego Luna does a great job playing the voice of reason throughout the film. I also like the cast they got together for the film, and there was a genuinely unexpected moment as well.

Cons - The films biggest problem is it’s lack of scares. I haven’t seen the original flatliners, but from my understanding it focused more on the psychological aspects of the experiment rather than the horror, and while the film does have that, to a very minimal degree, it decides to focus more on the horror. While not a bad idea, there’s almost nothing for the first half of the film (which would be fine if what came before it wasn’t cliched, and uninteresting) and when it finally does it’s mostly bland, generic, jumpscares. It wouldn’t be as bad except the characters are basically one note archetypes (who barely get defined as one note) and they all go through the story beats you expect. Their motivations also wildly vary from sensible to mundane, and honestly the whole thing is so forgettable I’m struggling to remember it while writing this. What was the name of this thing again?

Final Score - 1/10

Who made this and why? And how bad do they feel about it now? Whatever it is, it’s not enough. This sucks. Go watch paint dry, that has a better chance of being more horrifying.

Next: The Mountain Between Us - God that name sounds like a bad harlequin romance novel. At least I figured out what my bar for it is now, which is nice.

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The Complete Series: Gamera VS Zigra (1971)

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    Found myself with some extra time today so I figured I’d squeeze this in really quick. Since I’ve been really slacking in the extra films department lately I thought I’d take an opportunity to notch a little closer to finishing this series. So without any further ado, let’s get to it shall we?

Plot Summary - When the evil monster Zigra invades the oceans of earth and begins to cause destruction, Gamera must come in and save the day once again.

Pros - The monster fights scenes were pretty cool, and the design of Zigra as a giant whale, shark, manatee, type hybrid is rather interesting.

Cons - The presentation is poor, the characters are indistinct and the overall feel of the film feels rather lame.

Final Score - 3/10

Probably one of the more forgettable chapters in the series, I can only recommend it for young children and diehard kaiju fans.

Next in the Series: Gamera The Super Monster - The final chapter of the series, will it end on a high note? Stay tuned

Next Review: Flatliners - Looking at tomorrow at the time of publishing.

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Movie Review: Blade Runner 2049 (2017) + Bonus Blade Runner (1982) Mini Review

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    Hooray reviews roughly on time, or at least the closest they’ve been in weeks. I still want to do an audio form test run, but that’s looking like it’ll have to wait until a slower week.  After this I still have three more movies to do (MLP won’t be one of them because I have dignity.) So before we get to 2049, let’s go back to the first Blade Runner, so any of you who haven’t seen can get an idea of what to expect between the two. So let’s get to it shall we?

Blade Runner Mini Review

Plot Summary - In 2019, androids known as Replicants have become a new force in slave labour. When four replicants go rogue however, a special kind of police officer called a Blade Runner, by the name of Deckard (Harrison Ford), must hunt them down and “retire” them.

Pros - It’s a great neo noir film and a staple of great 80’s sci fi style and motif.

Cons - It can be kind of clunky in its plot and a bit too slow in it’s delivery.

Final Score - 8/10

It is crucial that you see it before the new one though, otherwise huge chunks of the story will not make sense.

And now on to…..

Blade Runner 2049 Review

Plot Summary - When Officer K (Ryan Gosling), a Blade Runner for the LAPD unearths a buried secret on an assignment, he finds himself following a new case that has potential to change everything.

Pros - My favourite thing about this film by far is it’s visuals. Improving a lot on the first film, director Denis Villeneuve  brings his great cinematic eye to the film and it pays off in spades. It helps compliment the story that, not only ties well into the first film, but manages to improve upon a lot of the lore aspects of the first film. You get into the mystery rather quickly, and it manages to hook in quick and never really let go. The cast is great, especially seeing returning cast members, and it’s kind of a great mixture of new and old. The story is also well paced, and explores a great aspect about what it means to truly be human.

Cons - It is a long film at 2h 44m, so if don’t get hooked in right away, it’s going to feel like a slog. Some people might have a problem the character Ana de Armas plays, especially one scene she’s in which I won’t spoil, but some people might find it out of place.

Final Score - 10/10

While it’s not a film for everyone, it gets the 10 from me at least because this is not only a good film in it’s own right, but also the best kind of sequel as it improves its predecessor while being able to stand on it’s own merits.

Next: Flatliners - Aiming for the next Monday after time of publishing this. The Mountain Between Us is the next one after that hopefully.

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Suggestion Box Review: Uno: The Movie (2016)

Hello All,

    So, I really don’t know how to introduce this one, and because of that, I basically have to start from the beginning. Here we go:

• On Youtube, there’s a let's play channel called…..Let’s Play.
• It’s owned by a production house called Achievement Hunter, who are tied to the infamous Rooster Teeth productions.
• For those who don’t know, a Let’s Play is basically people playing video games with commentary.
• Last year, Achievement Hunter made a Let’s Play of Uno the video game.
• Uno is a number card game, think go fish but the cards are in the middle.
• That video came out at 2h 44m, and actually got itself an IMDB page.
• IMDB = Internet Movie Database
• It was also the highest user rated comedy on IMDB for quite some time.
• And I have been forced to watch the whole thing in it’s entirely.

I really have to debate modifying the suggestion rules because well…..this barely qualifies as a movie. What do I mean? Let’s find out shall we?

Plot Summary - When five friends sit down to play an advanced game of Uno, they soon find themselves facing much more than each other.

Pros - At it’s core function, it’s a situational comedy, which it does well. The fascinating part though is when they start realizing what it is they’ve actually got themselves into, and they begin the face the realization that this game in fact might truly never end. In a sense, it’s a true artistic statement as to the fine balance between comedy and tragedy that drives the heart of all entertainment. It can also be considered a character study, as you have five unique individuals all facing the same maddening circumstances, so if that’s the kind of film you like then you’ll do gangbusters here.

Cons - The film’s greatest fault is the lack of visuals. You are literally watching 2h 44m of an uno game. Sure the camera switches hands so you can see everything going on, but that’s all you see. That’s all you ever see.

Final Score - 3/10

Despite the solid cast at the core of this thing, it’s still 2h 44m of fucking Uno. It’s basically unwatchable but if you need almost three hours of background noise you can do worse than this.

Next Suggestion Review: Perfect (1985) - A movie about fitness clubs and dating. Do you people just hate me sometimes? Luckily I can stall this one with Gamera VS. Zigra.

Next Movie Review: Blade Runner 2049 - Actually seeing it the same day as writing this, so that’ll be up soon after.

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Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.