Movie Review: Don't Breathe (2016)

Newest Review is LIVE!!! Let’s all hold our breaths as we venture into horror once again

Hello All,

    Sorry this took me so long. It’s been a very strange weekend for me, and not in the awesome adventure type way. More in the, it was long, slow, and boring, and for the love of god kill me please. So what better way to spend a horrible weekend, then to watch a horror movie. Now most modern horror movies, if this blog is any indication, are completely terrible. This one is different than most, as it’s possibly one of the most grounded in realism that we’ve seen in awhile. So how does that make for a horror movie? Let’s find out together shall we?

Plot Summary - Rocky (Jane Levy), Alex (Dylan Minnette), and Money (Daniel Zovatto) are three kids from Detroit, who are breaking into houses to try and get enough money to leave the city. When they get a tip about a blind man (Stephen Lang) who recently received a huge cash settlement, they decide to break in and steal it for themselves. However, when the man hears them, he reveals that he is more capable than they were lead to believe.

Pros - The movie is thrilling as hell, and the cast does a tremendous job in the premise. The movie is also really well shot and paced, especially within the tight confines of the house. The story is well told, and the twist in the third act is goddamn creepy as hell. It makes the whole film just intense as hell as you’re watching the whole thing playing out in front of you.

Cons - If you’re looking for a jumping out of your seat type horror movie, this isn’t really for you.

Final Score - 10/10

Truthfully, it’s nice to see a horror/thriller type film that try to move away from the mystical, and into more grounded and real type scenarios. Definitely a must see.

Next: ????? - Yeah, so for the first time in forever, there are no Thursday night showings this week. So, I’m honestly going to try and get the Suggestion Box reviews started.

Links:

Last Review is Here: The last review was for a really terrible movie, find out which one here.

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

Twitch Channel is Here: I’ll admit, I don’t quite have a regular streaming schedule worked out, but if you follow either the Twitter account or the channel directly you will be notified whenever I go live.

Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.

Movie Review: Mechanic Ressurection (2016)

Newest Review is LIVE!!! Here’s a sequel no one was really expecting.

Hello All,

    So this is unexpected. How many people even remember 2010’s Mechanic? You know how you can tell you can’t remember? It actually came out in 2011. I never thought it was terrible, but I remember seeing it once and that’s it. So you can really tell that this is basically going to be bad, because it’s a sequel no one asked for, to a film no one remembers. I still had to find out though, so let’s find out together shall we?

Plot Summary - After going into retirement, Arthur Bishop (Jason Statham) is forcefully recruited by an old enemy to perform three impossible assassinations, in order to save the life of an aid worker (Jessica Alba.)

Pros - There’s a couple of inventive actions moments in the film, and Jason Statham is great in these roles as always.

Cons - The rest of the film can best be described as bafflingly dull. It’s biggest problem is how unbelievably cheap the whole film looks. It’s like they took the small budget, and spent it all on travel costs and boats. The rest of the cast is on autopilot, the backstory and plot are a joke, and the pacing is idiotically dumb. The whole film plays out like a lazy satire of bad action films, that forgot to put in the satire. In the simpsons universe, this movie would star McBain.

Final Score - 1/10

If basic action films are your game, then this is for you. For everyone else, skip it.

Next - Don’t Breathe: I’m really looking forward to this one. I’ll try to get this out soon.

Links:

Last Review is Here: My last review was actually a milestone for me. You can read that here.

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

Twitch Channel is Here: I’ll admit, I don’t quite have a regular streaming schedule worked out, but if you follow either the Twitter account or the channel directly you will be notified whenever I go live.

Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.

200th Review Special: Favourite Genre Films

Newest Review is LIVE!!! It’s time for the 200th Review Folks.

Hello All,

    So for this special review, we are doing something a little bit different from the norm. I have selected a bunch of different film genres, including some from the suggestion box I had set up for this. We’re going to avoid the pro/con routine, and you can be assured that all the films listed are an easy 10/10. Now, before we begin, these are the rules.

1. Films from previous lists can be mentioned, favourites are favourites, this is more discussing why they’re my favourite of the genre.
2. Some of these maybe a combination of genres, and count if they do the genre selected for this review very well.
3. No films that came out in 2016. That’d be too easy.

Sound good? So let’s get to the films shall we?

1. (Suggestion Box Idea #1) Thriller: Reservoir Dogs (Sub Genre: Crime Thriller) - So if you’ve read my Top 5 Favourite Films review you would know that this is my favourite film of all time, so i’ve discussed it a bit there. The reason I choose this for thriller is, while it is a crime film, you never actually see the central crime of the film. It’s more the thrill of trying to figure what happened and why that drives home the heart of the story, and to me makes it just that awesome.

2. (Suggestion Box Idea #2) Comedy: Monty Python and the Holy Grail (Sub Genre: Surreal Slapstick Comedy) - This holds a special place in my heart. This was one of the first films my dad showed me when I was a kid that really stuck with me. Even though I was a kid, It showed me that it was okay for adults to like silly humour as well. The film itself is comedic genius, as it takes a classic medieval legend and just twists it so far off it’s original idea and just leaves you wondering just what the hell else is going to happen in it. It’s just the right mix if the most unexpected and side splitting jokes that I can still watch it many years later and laugh just as hard as I did the first time. Fun fact: When I moved out, My dad let me keep the DVD copy of the film he originally bought. I’m still really glad he did.

3. Romance: True Romance (Sub Genre: Romantic Crime) - For a lot of people, when they hear of a romantic crime duo, they think of Bonnie and Clyde. For me though, I have to go with Clarence and Alabama from True Romance. An amazing cast, with an equally amazing script originally written by Quentin Tarantino, lends itself to being in my mind possibly one of the most honest films about love ever made. It doesn’t go overboard into the melodramatic territory (which wants to make my inner six year old vomit), but at the same time in amongst the crime ridden story of the film itself, you can clearly see the whole way through just how much the lead characters clearly just love each other with all their hearts. Honestly, films like this make me want to tell Nicholas Sparks to go back to the drawing board.

4. Drama: Fight Club - Yep, you read this right, Fight Club is considered a Drama. I’ll be the first to admit, it’s hard to see in amongst the chaos of the story itself. If you step back and think about it though, If you suddenly found yourself running a fight club/terrorist organization with your best friend, you’d consider that a pretty dramatic turn of events in your life. What a lot of people forget is that Drama comes in many forms, and not all of it (at least filmmaking wise) has to be slow, somber, melancholy dramas that are simply dramatic because they’re sad and slow (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m allergic to slow dramas.) Fight Club proves that life can be both dramatic and entertaining, a mix we desperately need more of.

5. Mystery: Oldboy (2003 Version, Sub Genre: Mystery Neo Noir Thriller) - Good mysteries are sometimes the simplest, at least on the surface. The mystery in Oldboy surrounds the protagonist, and presents itself to him very simply: Who imprisoned you for twenty years, and why did they do it? It the twenty years part that is always intriguing to me. What do you have to do to someone that they take twenty years of your life without hesitation? The answers in this film are possibly some of the most mind blowing I’ve ever seen, and it’s a must for any lovers of mystery or foreign films.

6. Science Fiction: Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (Sub Genre: Epic Space Opera) - The number 6 of my all time favourite films, it’s honestly my go to answer for Sci Fi simply because once again this was from when I was a kid watching films with my dad. Star Wars holds a special place in a lot of people’s hearts, as I think it was most people’s first introduction to the idea of science fiction. Truth be told, the film itself is awesome, and there’s a reason it still holds up today, even over the new ones Disney are making.

7. Western: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (Sub Genre: Epic Spaghetti Western) - So Django Unchained was admittedly a pretty close second for me, but for Westerns, there’s no better place to turn to than the Spaghetti Western subgenre. There’s just something about the way those films look and play out, and there’s no better example in my mind than Sergio Leone’s third entry into hsi man with no name trilogy. All three films are amazing, and if you can I’d say find the boxset, but the third one gets the mix just right. It has all the right plot points for a western, and the story and action are just awesome.

Alright folks, we have to stop there for now because believe it or not, these were the genre’s I could actually decide favourites for. For next time, we still have Action, Fantasy, Crime, Adventure, and many others to get through.

Guys, thank you so much for helping me get to 200 reviews. Without the incredible response from you guys and the incredible amount of feedback, I wouldn’t have made it this far. Here’s to another 100 reviews, as we got many more great, bad, and in between films to review, plus more of the specials, retro, and series reviews in between.

Next: Mechanic Ressurection - Hey, remember that Jason Statham action movie from a few years ago where he plays an assassin? No? Me neither mostly, but it’s sequel is coming out anyways.

Links:

Last Review is Here: Last time, I squeezed in a double review to have as much time as possible to get this done. You can read that here.

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

Twitch Channel is Here: I’ll admit, I don’t quite have a regular streaming schedule worked out, but if you follow either the Twitter account or the channel directly you will be notified whenever I go live.

Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.

Double Movie Review: Kubo and the Two Strings (2016) & War Dogs (2016)

Newest Review is LIVE!!! Accidental double review is Accidental.

Hello All,

    So today was interesting for me. By pure chance I ended being able to cover the other two movies that came out this week. They are quite different from each other, truth be told I’m exhausted and am simply going to write this quickly. So let’s get to it shall we?

Kubo and the Two Strings Review

Plot Summary - Kubo (Art Parkinson) is a young boy who lives in a cave with his ill mother. When he stays out late one night, he is attacked by his two aunts (Rooney Mara) and is forced to flee. When he wakes up, he finds Monkey (Charlize Theron) waiting over him, who swears to protect him. Along the way, the meet up with Beetle (Matthew McConaughey) who also lends his aide to the journey.

Pros - As per typical of Laika productions, the animation quality is simply breathtaking. They manage to pull off some amazing stuff with it, and it lends itself to the wonderful story amazingly. The voice cast is spot on too, with Charlize and Matthew both being the easy stand outs of the film. The pacing is great, and even the elements of the story that might seem similar to others is given a nice spin to serve the story well.

Cons - George Takei was labelled as being in this, and he is, but just kind of barely which I’ll admit is a bit of a waste. What we get is good, but he could’ve done more. While did enjoy the movie a lot, I will admit (and maybe it’s because I’ve seen a lot of these lately) but the sadder moments in the film didn’t hit me as hard as I thought they would.

Final Score - 10/10

While it’s not quite the emotional roller coaster I thought it would be, Kubo is a film that I think everyone can enjoy.

War Dogs

Plot Summary - Based on the true story of the AEY Inc. company, it follows childhood friends Efraim Diveroli (Jonah Hill) and David Packouz (Miles Teller) as they become arms dealers for the united states government during the Afghanistan war.

Pros - The story is fascinating, even if parts of it are made up. The duo work well together in the film, and it is well paced and well told. It shows us a side of war that few people ever talk about.

Cons - It’s more drama than comedy, so if you're expecting a laugh riot you might be disappointed.

Final Score - 8/10

It’s a pretty interesting watch regardless. Not going to change anyone’s views on anything but it’s a cool story to hear.

Next - 200th Review Special!!! I have to put the finishing touches on it, but it will be up on Wednesday at the latest.

Links:

Last Review is Here: Last time I reviewed a remake, I’ll let you figure out how that went.

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

Twitch Channel is Here: I’ll admit, I don’t quite have a regular streaming schedule worked out, but if you follow either the Twitter account or the channel directly you will be notified whenever I go live.

Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.

Movie Review: Ben Hur (2016)

Newest Review is LIVE!!! Today, let’s tread back into the world of modern remakes.

Hello All,

    For any of you who saw my twitter feed the day before I posted this, you know that I did a live tweet review of the 1959 version of the story of Ben Hur, (which fun fact itself is a remake of a 1929 silent film, which was based on an 1880’s book). In the end, I gave it a 10/10. I did that, because I knew that I would be seeing the new remake as the first of the three new films coming out this weekend. I mention this because, as much as I ended up enjoying the 59 version, for the sake of this review, I am judging the new one entirely on it’s own merits. If I do make any slight errors in this, note that I simply am comparing technique instead of quality. With that out of the way, let’s begin shall we?

Plot Summary - Judah Ben-Hur (Jack Huston) is a Jewish prince living in Roman occupied Jerusalem. When his adoptive brother Messala (Toby Kebbell) returns from duty in the roman army, he asks Judah to help him repress rebellion in the city. When Judah refuses, Messala uses an opportunity to seek revenge by destroying his family, and sending him away to a slave ship. However, when Judah finds himself freed, he finds himself employed by Sheik Ilderim (Morgan Freeman) who provides him an opportunity to seek his revenge.

Pros - The film is quite a visual spectacle. The galley scenes are intense, and the chariot race feels nicely paced. It even manages to throw in a couple of ouch moments as well in the race. The cast is fine for the most part, and there are some parts of the story that are actually quite well done as well. It does get across the message of the original story as well in a way which kind fo works.

Cons - Since it is during the Roman occupation of the holy land, Jesus does play a background character throughout the story. Sadly though, what he contributes to the actual story is super minimal, and his presence feels like lip service to the fact he was more significant in the previous version. In an effort to compress the story down for time, huge chunks of the story are told through exposition, and yet they feel the need to try and show us more of Messala’s time in the army, which does nothing really to help the story except to reinforce the idea that the Romans are the bad guys, which the rest of the film does fine. They rearrange some elements of the story as well in ways which doesn’t make sense. Now, for what will be my only direct comparison to the 59 version: Since that one took the time the tell the full story, we got to experience what the character was feeling step by step. Since the new one cut a lot of that out, what they had to put in to fill those voids had to work just as well, and sadly here while some of it does work well, almost the same amount, if not slightly more doesn’t. Apologies if this sounds repetitive, I just really want to make sure I make myself clear.

Final Score - 4/10

Overall, I can’t be too mad at this film. It sadly falls in the needless remake category, and while it could’ve been a lot worse, I feel like this film missed most of the point about what the original story was trying to tell.

Next: Kubo and The Two Strings - I really want to see this tomorrow, but a rainy day ruined my plans on Wednesday, so I’m trying to find a balance between the two.

Links:

Last Review is Here: The last review was a side by side comparison of the two types of kids films: The Good and The Bad. You can read that here.

Twitter Account is Here: Don’t want to miss my next review live tweet session? You can follow the blog twitter account through this link here.

NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

Twitch Channel is Here: I’ll admit, I don’t quite have a regular streaming schedule worked out, but if you follow either the Twitter account or the channel directly you will be notified whenever I go live.

Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.

Double Movie Review: Pete's Dragon (2016) & Nine Lives (2016)

Newest Review is LIVE!!! Today, let’s compare two types of kids films.

Hello All,

    So we’re doing a slightly different type of double review tonight. I want to take this opportunity to address a long standing issue that I may have brought up once or twice over the course of this blog’s existence: The quality of kids films. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard the phrase “It’s just a kids film, who cares?” I’d be quite rich, but still deeply annoyed. My greatest example of why this is wrong is simple: If you wouldn’t let your kid eat shitty food, watch shitty tv, or wear shitty clothes, why is it okay for them to watch a shitty movie? With that being said, what is my definition of a shitty kids film? Today, this is what we’re finding out. So let’s dig in shall we?

Pete’s Dragon Plot Summary - After being lost in the woods for six years, Pete (Oakes Fegley) gets discovered by park ranger Grace (Bryce Dallas Howard). When she tries to figure out how he survived for so long, she starts to unravel something bigger than all of them.

Nine Lives Plot Summary - Tom Brandt (Kevin Spacey) is businessman who spends more time at work then at home. When he finds himself at odds within his own company, an accident see him ending up trapped in the body of a cat, and being taken care of by his own family, until he can learn to be a better human beating.

Pete’s Dragon Pros - The cast is great, as they really get into their characters. The highlight though is the dragon itself, as they manage to give it quite a lot of character even without having him talk. The story moves along at a nice pace, and the scenery is quite breathtaking at times.

Nine Lives Pros - The last joke in the movie was kind of funny.

Pete’s Dragon Cons - The story is predictable, and Karl Urban as the villain lacks any real motivation other than being kind of an asshole.

Nine Lives Cons - The story is thin, even at 87 minutes. The pacing is non existent as there are just scenes that contribute nothing to the story. Most of the jokes are just the cat doing un cat like things. Also, parts of the humour rely on people being cruel to said cat, including at one point ii guards threatening to taze the thing. The CGI is bad, the effects are bad, this whole film looks like a made for tv movie. It even has the cut away for the commercials that’ll inevitably be played around this thing. The film even has the fucking nerve to start with youtube cat videos, this movie can go fuck itself.

Pete’s Dragon Final Score - 9/10. It’s got its weak points, but quite honestly it’s one of the better kids films I’ve seen so far this year.

Nine Lives Final Score - 1/10. This is the definition of lazy filmmaking. If you want to watch a cat do dumb things for ninety minutes, save yourself some time and money, I’m sure there’s a playlist on youtube just for you.

So what did we learn? If you treat a kids film like the piece of cinematic art it can be, you can make something truly magical, that will stay with the kids long after they’ve left the theatre. If you treat it like you’re just dangling keys in front of the kids for ninety minutes, all you do is waste the time of everyone involved, and everyone who watches.

I hope you all can see now why this drives me mad, and why we need to start doing something about these awful films. Please, for the love of god, if you have kids who want to see these movies, sit down with them, and convince them to watch ANYTHING ELSE that is both great and appropriate for them.

Thank you.

Links:

Last Review is Here: (Insert last blog link, don’t say name of movie.)

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

Twitch Channel is Here: I’ll admit, I don’t quite have a regular streaming schedule worked out, but if you follow either the Twitter account or the channel directly you will be notified whenever I go live.

Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.

Movie Review: Sausage Party (2016)

Newest Review is LIVE!!! I wasted the best joke for this in a tweet.

Hello All,

    Not gonna lie, I really don’t have an opening for this. Comedy films are always really hard to talk about, because humour is a very subjective topic, and not everyone is going to think all the same things are funny (Especially if you spend too much time on Tumblr.) No matter what opinion I give on this, someone is going to tell me that either this was the funniest thing they’ve ever seen, or it’s 90 minutes of their lives that they’re never getting back. Yet here I am once again, handing out an opinion on it, because people ask me for it. So after thinking long and hard about it, was Sausage Party worth the wait? Let’s find out together shall we?

Plot Summary - In an everyday supermarket, the food there have dreams of being chosen to go to the great beyond. When the truth is revealed however, a lone sausage named Frank (Seth Rogen) must show them all the truth before it’s too late.

Pros - The voice cast is pretty solid, as they have a wide variety of talent on display. The animation also holds up well for what they’re trying to do with it. Towards the end the humour does pick up quite a bit as it just goes way the hell of the rails into absurdity.

Cons - This movie’s humour is 98% obvious food puns, there’s a scene of literal food porn that would make Team America’s puppets blush, the actual ending of the film is fucking stupid, the movie’s so poorly I wouldn’t be surprised if was generated by a computer program, and the whole thing is just flat out boring.

Final Score - 4/10

I personally cannot recommend this film at all. If anyone asks me if they should see it, I will say no. I know there will be those of you who will go see it and enjoy it, and to you I say good for you, hope you have a blast. To me, this was really stupid.

Next - Pete’s Dragon and/or Nine Lives. Might make it a double, or hell even a contrast comparison review based on what I’m hearing.

Links:

Last Review is Here: The last review was weird. You can read that here.

Twitter Account is Here: You’ll get notices when the reviews are live as soon as I post them, plus any trailers, movie news, or updates on when I stream on Twitch. I’m always looking for new followers, and with more followers means more ways for you guys to contribute.

NEW!!! Suggestion Box is Here: Are you sick of gaps in my posts? Why not suggest a film or film series for me to watch? Suggestions will be completed in order received, and if you’d like to leave your name for a suggestion credit and anything you’d like me to promote (within reason) I’d be happy to do that too. This suggestion box will be a permanent fixture of the blog, as again I’d love any and all help you guys want to offer.

Twitch Channel is Here: I’ll admit, I don’t quite have a regular streaming schedule worked out, but if you follow either the Twitter account or the channel directly you will be notified whenever I go live.

Until next time, I’ll see you folks at the movies.