Okay, before we begin, although I hadn’t seen him in many films, Paul Walker’s death was indeed unfortunate. While I never was a big fan of his I had nothing against the man and the death of anybody caused by unnatural causes is always tragic. That being said, at the end of the day, I still analyze and review movies and I will not let any outside force sway my opinions on the films I watch. That being said, on with the review.
I wanna preface this review by declaring one thing that people might call me out on in regards to this review. Before this film, the only other one of these films I have seen in it’s entirety was Fast Five. Even then, I don’t remember most of it. So, before seeing Furious 7, I read plot summaries and watched review videos on the other films in the series (except for Tokyo Drift because even the series itself rarely acknowledges Tokyo Drift.) So I know who these characters are and their relationships to each other. For the most part though, I still didn’t care.
Plot Summary - Some time after the events of Furious 6 and picking up where Tokyo Drift ended, we find one of the members of Dominic Toretto’s (Vin Diesel) gang being killed by a man named Deckard Shaw (Jason Statham), whose brother was hospitalized in Furious 6. The team then teams up with the CIA, who exchange for helping them find Shaw, gets Dom and his team to help them rescue a hacker named Ramsey and her program named God’s Eye.
Pros - My three favorite people in this movie are in the following order and why: Jason Statham, because he’s fucking Jason Statham that’s why and I am actually a really big fan of his. The Rock: although he was barely in the movie due to conflicts with filming Hercules he certainly made the most of it. Kurt Russell: For how little he was in it, he was honestly awesome. The rest of the cast is clearly having fun, the fight scenes are well done and even some of the action scenes are okay.
Cons - Tyrese Gibson might be the worst actor I have seen in the longest fucking time. Cinemasins has this running joke where whenever he speaks they say “Yeah earn that paycheck Tyrese.” Hell I think they even put that on a shirt, and until I saw this movie I didn’t even think he was that bad. But mother of god, a whole movie with this guy I wanted to fucking scream. There’s this scene where he distracts people at a party by taking the mic and trying to be funny, yet nobody laughs in the entire scene. I like to think that they were told to laugh, but nobody actually found him to be funny.
The other big problem I have with this movie, is possibly the same one I have with transformers. This movie is improbable, illogical, inconsistent, and really fucking stupid. The action scenes, while perfectly serviceable, are completely and utterly devoid of any tension and suspense whatsoever. Why? because either they leave every fucking crash and whatever either completely fine, or they die to the most random shit! Three cars driven by the main get shot at by missiles in this movie and the two ones that had nobody in them get hit and completely blow up. What happens to the third car when it gets hit when it has main characters in it? The rear of the car gets damaged and yet they don’t even flip over. WHERE’S THE FUCKING CONSISTENCY?!?!?!?!
You know what makes a good action scene in a good movie? I’ll give you an example.
In Die Hard, there’s a scene where John McClane has to grab a rope, jump off of a roof, and swing back into the building. Just as illogical to pull off as anything in these fast and furious movies, and yet I think that’s a really intense scene. Why? Because at this point in the movie, we’ve seen him get hurt over and over again, and yet still plow through.
A good action movie, beats the shit out of the heroes and yet they still get up and win in the end.
The fast and the furious movies are basically watching superman have bullets bounce off of him until he reaches the guy shooting him and wins. It’s cool, once. Having to watch it over and over again, I’d probably start screaming “SHOOT HIM WITH A KRYPTONITE BULLET YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKERS!” Yes people have died, but not from any of the shit that should kill them, but from random other bullshit. One guy died because his car flipped over and blew up, and another girl died because she fell off of car. Jason Statham, has a fucking garage floor fall on him, he’s fine. Vin Diesel crashes his car, and only goes unconscious for a few minutes before he’s revived by the power of love (*barfs uncontrollably.*) I’m sorry, as decent as the action scenes can be, I know they are going to come out completely unscathed, so I don’t care.
Oh, and Kurt Russell, does one cool thing for a grand total of five seconds, then he gets shot and leaves the movie. They wasted mother fucking Snake Plisken.
Despite all of that…….I can admit, that while this movie is clearly not for me….I can see the appeal. I have my dumb action movies that I really like that throws logic out of the window. Hell Crank is probably my favorite Jason Statham movie and my god is that movie full of dumb action. Yet, for reasons I honestly cannot explain, I love the shit out of that movie, and I know plenty of people who hate that movie. What I’m basically saying is, I get it, I just don’t like it.
Final Score - 5/10
I would’ve ranked this lower, but after a careful amount of thought, I will simply acknowledge that while I don’t like them, I can see the appeal.
So Mr. Diesel, if you ever see this, I’m sorry to say it, but unless the oscars get changed to american idol type voting in time for next year, don’t hold your breath for that best picture oscar. However, as a tribute to the man you call your brother, I think Paul is smiling down on you proud as hell, and you should take that comfort with you until you can meet up with him once again.
So until next time, I’ll see you guys at the movies.
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